Be Your Truth

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In this episode of Do the Work, the couple discusses how it’s “Not what you say, it’s what you do.” You can pull a fast one on the rest of the world, but not with your kids. Being consistent with your attitude is not just important in business but in all areas of your life. It’s not just your words it’s your actions.

Topic #1

About Last Week…

  • Carla opens the podcast by discussing how tough the last podcast was. She admits it was about her and that she had a nasty attitude, but she showed up anyway. She was proud of them because they showed up as business partners, not as spouses. AZ adds that Carla didn’t shut down, she showed up like a boss and didn’t hinder their progress. Before something they didn’t agree on would affect every aspect of the business, it shows how far they have come.
  • Carla talks about a conversation she had with one of the women she is working with. The woman is trying to run things but has no respect from her husband. Carla recalls how she used to be half in and half out, not committed and allowed AZ to treat her like a secretary. If they have an issue, they take care of business and then come back to their problem later. There is always obstacles, your spouse, your kids, what is happening at home and even your health. You need to be able to invest in your relationships to produce the kind of outcomes that you want.
  • AZ shares that Carla would be on a rollercoaster of emotion, he couldn’t trust in what kind of mindset she was going to show up in. That created frustration because AZ knew she wanted to be a part of the business, but then she would be upset with him for something he did at home and she would shut down and he was left depending on her.

Quote
“Once I stopped being half in and half out in the relationship and started to show up like a true husband, a true man, Carla was able to power through.”- AZ

Topic #2   

Not What You Say, But What You Do

  • It’s really easy to say you have it all figured out. Everyone buying into the stories they see on social media. Everyone is successful, rich, the perfect family. If we buy into that it makes us feel small. You can try to fake it, but there are people within your realm who know the truth about you. Your kids especially will call you on your bullshit. Carla shares that she asked their daughter Abigail how she sees her in 3 words. Abigail told her you are strong, beautiful and passionate. Carla asked her if she saw her that way because that is the story she has created in her mind because she is her mom? She said no because Carla is consistent, she shows up passionate in the way she handles things. She always sticks with it; not just her words but her actions and consistency.
  • AZ adds that their kids are actually seeing not just hearing, and they have been witness to a lot of ugliness as well. The good and the bad. Saw both of them break down and then get back up again. It’s because of the pattern of consistency that she has adopted this behavior as well. AZ shares that he prays with his girls every night to change their dynamic. Their daughter shared how they have been discussing the recession in school. They remember her parents going through it all. Because of this, she is a risk taker and they are proud she has paid attention.
  • The couple share how their kids have seen who they really are. Actions stay with you forever. Do what we say, not what we do. AZ adds that it’s up to each generation to correct dysfunctional patterns and magnify the good ones. But what is happening is the opposite. It’s up to us to give our kids a different opportunity.  

Quote
“Most kids only see their parents as heroes and then they get older and realize that it was all bullshit.”- Carla

Topic #3

Wanting the Whole Village

  • AZ brings up a conversation that Carla had with a woman she is coaching. She asked the question,” Are you having another kid because you think that’s all you can do? Some women want a whole village of kids. If you want it then own it. But then you lose your identity down the road and go into the mode that it’s all you know how to do. Have a plan for when the kids are done. But don’t continue to have kids just because you think that is all you have to offer. AZ adds that women have been taking care of kids for thousands of years and are great at it. Men are disempowered when they have to care for a child because they don’t know what they are doing. They can only do one thing at a time. A woman can do it all. It’s hard to show up powerfully as a man when he is trying to do what women have done for thousands of years and men are not genetically geared for the job.
  • Carla shares how she will never forget the day that AZ came into the kitchen while she was doing dishes and asked what she wanted. She remembers thinking that she didn’t fucking know. She had been breastfeeding for a year and running a company. She had lost herself, felt like she was dying inside that house. She always had to look good and put on a facade every time she left the house. But Carla adds she wants women to know if they want too, have the whole village of kids, but don’t lose who you are. Continue doing the things you love and go towards your goals. Don’t let having a family stop you.
  • Carla felt guilt if she was going to leave the kids, but you have to let go of the guilt. Your kids will be fine. Modern women don’t just want to stay home, but they continue to fight the guilt of leaving their kids. AZ admits that at first, he tried to take control of Carla when she was finding herself. He took advantage because he knew a weakened Carla was a dependant Carla. A weak spouse is dependent. At the end of the day you know they aren’t going anywhere. But as Carla found her voice she made AZ appreciate her.

Quote
”If you bite your tongue and not do anything, you are just waiting for an atomic bomb to drop. When that happens the only choice you will have left is divorce.”- AZ

Closing Thoughts

  • Carla encourages men to not ask their wife what she wants. Instead, push them and empower them to move forward on it, for them to get fired up. Women get stuck in that position of caregiver. Fire her up and empower her to do something.
  • AZ shares that a few weeks ago he brought up how he used to be and Carla got emotional because if she could go back to that Carla she would have left AZ. She knows now that she is strong and also what she is capable of. It took years of AZ being consistent to erase all of the hurt. But they are good today because of it. AZ adds that it’s because they connected on a deeper level that their businesses and family were able to flourish.

 

 

 

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