Don’t Weaken Yourself to Make Others Feel Stronger


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In this episode of Do the Work, AZ and Carla discuss the people who trigger us by saying things we already know. Coming down to a level to make others comfortable isn’t where you need to be. It’s time to have some crucial conversations and take that one step closer to owning who you are.  


Topic #1

The Truth Hurts

  • Az opens this episode sharing how he is honed into knowing what he wants his body to look like. He used to be a scrawny 16-year-old, 6’1” and weighing a mere 125 lbs. A few months ago he was feeling good and mustered up the courage to wear a tank top to the gym. Within minutes, some guy says that his arms look good but what happened to his traps? AZ was devastated. He knew they needed work but it was the fact that he got called out on it. He was meant too. Wasn’t meant to sugar coat it. He was meant to say he still had work to do. We get triggered when people say things to us we already know.
  • AZ shares though that he came back strong, but he overdid it. This goes into all aspects of our lives. AZ works with a high level of expectancy. When we are too consistent some individuals can’t take it. Sometimes people are in our lives to trigger us into action. Carla adds that we take it as a negative when people speak the truth to us. We already know it. The reason we get triggered is because it’s the truth. Or we have to live up to their truth, AZ says.
  • Carla remembers a time, years ago, that the couple were at a pool, enjoying themselves and calling each other the little nicknames they have for each other. A drunk women approached them and asked Carla if she was really going to let AZ call her that. This infuriated Carla, but at the time she just started explaining to this woman why he was calling her that name. Now, Carla would tell her to mind her fucking business because now she has the courage. We allow people to come in, good or bad and we decide how we take that negative comment. They feel they are being honest based on their truths, it doesn’t mean you need to buy into them.

“We try to hold ourselves back to make others feel better, we weaken ourselves. We need to be telling them they need to level their ass up if they want to be in our circle.”-AZ

Topic #2   

Crucial Conversations

  • AZ states how we lie to ourselves a lot in a new relationship, just like in a new business, because you don’t want to lose them. Carla adds that we go into marriage with expectations of the other to know what you want. How are you going to know someone? Ask them their credit score? How are they in bed? Those are not honest questions. You don’t, say I like the way you look right now, so don’t gain 30 pounds and then years down the road you wonder how the fuck they gained 30 pounds. Carla goes on to say that it is one thing she respects about AZ. He was always straightforward and honest. She is grateful and blessed he is that way because he made her see a better version of herself. AZ agrees he was honest, but in retrospect, he thinks he could work on his delivery. To this day he struggles with that.
  • AZ shares that he has had to have crucial conversations that he has lost friends over. These conversations start with him saying, at the end of the conversation they will either end the relationship and go forward in a new one. Or, he will end this relationship and go in a different direction. If people don’t show up powerfully in his life, he has no room for them. He has to move on. He expects people in his circle to grow and expand, so they can strengthen him and not become a crutch that weakens him. He has avoided conversations like that in the past because they might hurt feelings. You need to be prepared to lose a relationship. When your not honest with them it weakens your power, playing nice to avoid conflict and an argument. We get comfortable not being honest in our relationships.
  • AZ uses persuasion and influence and Carla is very straightforward. If you’re not prepared to lose someone in your life by being honest then keep your mouth shut. What will end up happening is it will end up going south and turn sour.


“After time you end up stepping into that power if you have those honest, truthful, conversations. And if you lose people, it’s okay. ”-Carla

Topic #3

Stay Out of My Airspace

  • AZ shares that he gets into Carla’s space in her business. He weakens her by correcting her while she is on a business call. Carla will tell him that if he wants to make the calls, he can do it himself. She adds that if she does it, she doesn’t want him coming back at her and saying the things he wants her to say. AZ understands that he gets in her business. Carla says she used to hold back to avoid arguments. She adds that she loves AZ, but she loves herself more, and she wasn’t going to weaken herself to make AZ feel stronger.
  • We hold up to make others feel good about themselves. We show up weak to make them feel strong. We are embarrassed to show our success because they lack it. We downplay our hard work because they refuse to do it. What we need to do is leave them behind. Carla has worked her ass off, she is a powerhouse. She isn’t going to allow AZ, her husband to crush her with simple comments. Carla adds you will never rise if you allow people to keep you down.
  • Carla tells a story of a woman who posted negatively about an innocent, fun picture of Carla flexing her arms, looped through her daughters. She was making her look like they were her daughter’s arms. This woman started bashing on Carla as a mom. Carla says that it takes one person who brings you down and Carla left it alone, so everyone could see what this woman said. How ridiculous it was. She knew it was this woman’s issue.


“We can sometimes let one person devastate our progression.”-AZ

Topic #4

The Business of People

  • AZ discusses how when someone leaves your business you needed them, their energy for that time to grow. But you need to grow your business beyond that person when they leave. We attract people because of our consistency and drive. People get confused and think that when they stop, we will stop. They need to re-commit and get their head back in the game. You can’t keep thinking that this one person made you or your business. Don’t be crushed when they go. When they stay too long they poison everything. Stop weakening yourself to make them stronger. Get stronger in the hopes they will get stronger.
  • Carla shares how time passes so quickly, stop being content and not sticking up for yourself. It stops your growth. Wasting your time and power on people. Some people are not meant to be around forever. AZ adds that there are people who drain you of everything. Business owners or anyone in a toxic relationship needs to get the balls to just do it. Have the crucial conversations. There is no honor in sacrifice.

“Empower yourself, stick up for yourself. Your window will shut if you keep living in fear.”-Carla


Closing Thoughts

  • AZ wants you to ask yourself these questions:
  1. Where in your life are you showing up weak to make others feel strong?
  2. Where are you hiding your success to make others feel better about their lack of it?
  3. Who do you have to have a crucial conversation with? Who do you need to end a relationship with?

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