Quit Holding Your Man Back

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In this episode of Do the Work, AZ and Carla discuss how disempowering your man, doesn’t just mean taking his balls and putting them in your purse. It starts with not being supportive of his efforts, while he is trying to lead his home. Men are task focused and women can do it all, but if they make it a team effort the couple can enjoy the have it all lifestyle together
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Topic #1

Plugged Up Baby

  • The couple opens up this episode by talking about a visitor they had at home all night. Carla was babysitting her 6-month-old nephew. She was having a little baby fever, so she got her fill with the little one. The baby was upset all night because he was constipated. He kept crying and was inconsolable.
  • AZ said it made him mad because it took him back to when his daughter was a baby. During that time he wasn’t always there for Carla. He would usually be resentful because he felt he had a lot to do the next day and needed his sleep. And this morning he needed to get up early for a bike ride and it bothered him. It reminded Carla of those times also. When she would be worried the babies would disturb him while he slept. But the baby for one night cured the baby fever for sure.
  • AZ wanted to discuss how women can hold their men back. People look at Carla and think she is all,”Woman Power,” and “Disempower your man, take his balls and put them in your purse.” That’s not the case. Carla always calls AZ, King and treats him as such. At the end of the day, he has to lead the house. She is a powerful woman and you need a powerful man. Carla adds that it takes 2 powerful people to run an empire. She constantly reinforces that he should continue going. The support is there in a powerful way.

Quote
“Women can disempower their men by saying things like, “Don’t mess it up, Don’t lose that again.” This causes men to second guess themselves, because of the disappointment and ramifications they might get at home.”- AZ

Topic #2

A Lose-Lose

  • AZ talks about how Carla never treated him like that, but there have been other ways he has been disempowered as the man. So let’s talk about a few ways today that women may be sabotaging the growth of not just the family, but your man going out, and creating something bigger. Carla feels it’s a guilt. Women make men feel guilty for not being home or working late. The man is like what are you crying about, I’m paying the bills.
  • Carla states that it is a kind of a lose-lose. The man comes home and he is like, quit bitching, I’m here. The women are mad because he is always gone, he’s disconnected. She has always worked and has always said to AZ,”Hey I do the same amount of work that you do.” Men feel they need to provide for their queen, what happens if they fail and fall apart and the woman isn’t there? If Carla wasn’t there to tell AZ it was okay? She would tell him it’s fine, let’s keep going. She feels he would have thought that he can’t do it again to the family, but not realizing you are disappointing the family, by not moving forward.
  • If the man is doing well and he isn’t home because of that, the wife might be angry because he is going to take on another project and the last time he was never home. Carla tells of when they got their first franchise. Carla reassured him that if it failed they would be okay. AZ said it wouldn’t fail. She has always been supportive of him. He was always in a different world. All he could think was he didn’t want to disappoint the family. He was always working long hours. AZ admits that he didn’t want to come home because he didn’t want to come home to an angry wife. Would use work as an excuse to disconnect from an angry wife and screaming kids.

Quote
“You have to team it. I was all in as a parent, he was half in. I was half in the business, he was all in. You have to be all in the relationship as a couple and all in on the business to work as a team. ”- Carla

Topic #3

Women are the Master Multi-Taskers

  • Women are able to do so much. Take care of the kids, house, family and business. But when AZ had to take care of the kids by himself it was so disempowering because he couldn’t do anything else. Men are just so focused on the task at hand. Carla agrees that women can multi-task. She wasn’t all in the business. AZ can’t be all in everywhere. Carla could be everywhere, just not all in. The areas are not 50/50 but with teaming up they are 100% covered without there being resentment.
  • She remembers when she came 100% into business and felt guilty for having the kids. She would take a meeting and AZ would watch the kids. She would get mad because he would literally just watch the baby. Carla knew that he was a patient loving father. But she doesn’t appreciate him as a babysitter. She would consider what she would do if AZ wasn’t around. Why was she depending on him? Loved him, appreciated him, but had to run like she was single. She got a housekeeper, a babysitter and put the kids in Christian School. Carla doesn’t depend on AZ and his availability anymore.
  • AZ states that men feel that way too in a sense. They can’t move forward because their wives are just going to bitch because I’m not home, she isn’t appreciative of what I’m bringing in. Holding them back. Carla adds that they get stuck in their own world, bring their work home, disconnect or just sedate on the couch with a beer watching sports. The growth of their relationship was because Carla decided to take control of herself.

Quote
“I used to get offended when she would say she fly’s solo. She was just making the statement that with or without me, she knew where she was going.”- AZ

In Closing

  • AZ says that it was a huge power play by Carla to take everything on solo. She proclaimed and took a stand. Started growing which forced him to grow and appreciate her. He knew she no longer depended on him. Carla added that even though she would support and push him forward, she would at some point confuse him. She would see how much time he was spending at work, away from home, disconnected and yell at him about it. AZ would pull back from work because he would be confused about where she was coming from. He said it was essential to their growth that they own who they are and their strengths.
  • You need to own what you want. Taking on life solo will get you the appreciation from your spouse, your relationship will grow and you will become more powerful. She had to run her own ship and once she did, things happened for them. Don’t hold your men back, and men you need to empower your women. Empower each other. Don’t make each other feel guilty, don’t throw jabs at each other. Take a stand and quit holding each other back.

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