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Each week we will bring you the foundational principles needed to navigate through the obstacles and opportunities of life.
We are vulnerable and raw in every episode. We never sugarcoat what it takes to take control of your life and live a life worth living.
We share with you our successes and our defeats. We unpack how we have mastered prosperity in business and beyond. We share the lessons and stories of the journey we have been on and we demystify the journeys we are embarking on now.
From business to personal, the DO THE WORK podcast covers it all.
Deflecting Negativity | Do The Work Podcast with A.Z. and Carla Araujo - Episode 23
As a business owner, it is crucial to utilize the free platforms and tools available to grow your business. Putting yourself out there on social media gives you the exposure you need, but also can expose you to what you don't want. Negativity can either stop you in your tracks or fuel you to the next level of success. How are you going to allow it to drive you today?
Tik Tok Fame
It's been a minute since the last Do the Work Podcast, and they have a lot of big moves happening within their different companies. The couple decided that this podcast is a priority, something that connects them, and others have said how it is changing their perspective in their relationships. They talk about love, business, and put it all out there.
Since the last podcast, Carla has become Tik Tok famous and has 28,000 followers and rising. Only starting the process two months ago, Carla has been consistent and has been more consistent on this app than any other. She finally found an app that matches her personality. She loves to make people laugh and joke around, and she loves Tik Tok because she can shine.
Carla’s handle on Tik Tok is simply Carla Araujo@AZfigure. She had one video that went viral and had over 1 million views. A.Z. was part of that video and is honored. Carla kept hearing her daughters talk about Tik Tok, and she looked up the app. She made a video and found it to be so much fun. She went home and told her daughters she got Tik Tok; their friend mentioned that Tik Tok is all about the likes and not the views. Carla was determined to blow it up.
Starting with being consistent with 2-3 videos a day, and Carla noticed by doing her normal crazy things, her likes and views were growing. If you go to the famous songs on the app, you have to mimic the dances; she thought great, I can't dance. Carla did that, and the views and likes kept coming in. She did a video with A.Z., and it looks like she is flashing him; although that isn't what she was going for, she intended to flirt with A.Z.
“Starting with being consistent with 2-3 videos a day, I noticed by doing my normal crazy things, my likes and views were growing. ”- Carla
Carla flirts with A.Z. all through the day, but no one usually sees it. It's fun, but A.Z. will tell her that he has work to do, but that is who Carla is. When she flashed him, she couldn't keep up with the comments she got. Through that video, her other videos started to get views and likes. What she wasn't expecting was the negativity she began to get. 90% of her comments are positive, and they are used to the response because they put themselves out there.
The 10% that was negative didn't bother her, because she has been here before. Carla did a TROLL CLASS 101 video, and it was based on that experience. People were creating accounts on Tik Tok to be nosey and see what Tik Tok was about and follow her.
Are You Spoiling Your Kids?
A.Z. started seeing some of the comments that were coming up, and Tik Tok has anonymity, so it is easier to create accounts. Unlike Instagram and Facebook, where you know who is on the other end, Tik Tok is more random. The negativity was at a different level, and they are harsh. They aren't sure if it's kids or adults, but it started to weigh on Carla a bit. Even though they are used to it, on Tik Tok, they are more vicious and take it to a personal level.
Carla left her page open on Tik Tok, so whoever that wanted, could see her videos. Tik Tok became harsh, and the reason it bothered her was that her kids saw the comments. This is the first time Carla has been connected to a social media platform with her daughters.
It is a practice for both A.Z and Carla not to comment back on negativity. If people want to say things, they don't care. But on Tik Tok, it began to bother Carla because their daughters were seeing it and saying something about it. They felt that people were bullying and harassing Carla. Their daughter took two days and scrolled through all of the comments on all of the videos and began blocking, deleting, and reporting those that were harassing and bullying.
A series of numbers identify the User for the most part. Some will put their full names but have a blank page and are following a ton of people. It makes it challenging to identify who you are dealing with. Most of the followers had randomness about them. It was bothering their daughter because she said that people were making comments like they knew A.Z. and Carla.
They had to be followers from Facebook and Instagram because their comments were directed as if they knew them personally. The Trolls or Haters from Facebook and Instagram saw Carla had a Tik Tok and created accounts on that site to Troll Carla. The couple has thick skin from being in this industry and creating the business that they have. When it starts to affect their daughters, from people who are anonymous and vicious, it becomes an issue.
“ We both have thick skin from being in this industry and creating the business that we have. When it starts to affect our daughters, from people who are anonymous and vicious, it becomes an issue.” - A.Z.
Busted by the Tik Tok Cop
Tik Tok is big, and it is easy for people to bully and harass other people. Their daughter Madeline took it upon herself to protect Carla and monitor her comments. She is Carla’s Tik Tok cop. The lesson Carla taught her daughter throughout this process is that it isn't going to bother her, but it also doesn't need to sit and weigh on her. Madeline was bothered by it enough so that it bothered Carla.
Madeline and Carla only went after those comments that were vicious in nature. Rude comments don't bother Carla; it only makes her create more content behind it. But if someone is trash talking, Madeline will delete the comment and block the user.
A.Z. was out of town over the weekend with their other daughter, and Carla dropped off Madeline at school to go to Science Camp. They did a Tik Tok together, and a parent comes out of nowhere and tells Carla that she has been watching her Tik Toks. She commented on how funny they were and how much she loved them. She commented that she couldn't find Carla's Tik Tok anymore and neither could her daughter.
When you are reported for harassment or bullying on Tik Tok, they suspend your account while they investigate it. So this woman got blocked and can't find me anymore; within seconds, Carla realized this woman was one of her harassers. Their daughters go to a small, private school, and at the end of the day, they are straight-up people and aren't going to beat around the bush.
Carla was polite to the woman and even stood there and talked with her. Carla wasn't going to hold a grudge, but obviously, this woman had said something offensive, or Madeline wouldn't have reported her. You need to rise above it and don't follow people who are not meant for you. Carla wasn't posturing with this woman, but she isn't going to be rude because someone is rude to them. Carla knows she is doing something that others may not be willing to do by putting herself out there.
Double Down and Come Back Hard
Carla has been confrontational in the past and still will not back away from confrontation. If you aren't ready for Carla, she will embarrass you. This woman wasn't ready for Carla to ask her what rude comment she made. Why waste the energy on it?
It is a very interesting platform that A.Z. is not on and doesn't want to be. He will do videos with Carla, but it took forever for him to get on Instagram. A.Z. doesn't need another platform to distract him. It is an up and coming app, and everyone under fourteen years old is on there. A lot of Carla’s followers are not kids; they are adults. Carla doesn't recommend the app unless you can hold yourself back.
We are only focusing on the small percentage of negativity because it was the topic for the conversation today. Carla has had a lot of positive comments, as well. If you don't like what someone says on your social media, delete it. Don't get into it with them, delete it. The worst thing you can do is respond to it and go into a tangent that lasts for hours.
A.Z. has always told Carla to not respond to the negativity. She is more of a fireball than him, but now she doesn't feel the need to waste her energy on it. Their job is to connect with individuals in business, but responding to negativity takes you down a bad path and a rabbit hole that isn't going to get you anywhere. Carla is very consistent with her marketing, You will feel good and awesome and one negative comment, that one moment can take you down. When you are down but consistently continue to rise, then you know that you are right.
They have conditioned themselves to take on the negativity but continue to move forward and rise. Their philosophy is if they hear a negative comment, you double down and come down hard by posting more and more. Always meet each negative comment with another posting. Tik Tok fired Carla up to produce more content for her other social media sites.
A lot of individuals will shut down and begin to question their efforts. Someone tells them they are posting too much, and they start to question if they are. Maybe they are becoming overpowering and too much. You are only triggering that person's lack of effort; whoever wrote that you are triggering their inability to be consistent. That can get to people.
When you hear that negativity, do another post immediately and break the cycle. Stop thinking about it because the more you think about it, the harder it will be to overcome. They smack you, and you smack them back; that will get you into the flow of things.
Triggering the Trolls
There was a video Carla did about When Your Girl Goes too Far, that she did with A.Z. The first thing she said was, “My cousin is pregnant. I wonder whose baby it is.” She continues to talk rapidly, and the camera switches to A.Z., and he is holding his head. A woman commented on Facebook and said that A.Z. looked annoyed and then went to Instagram and commented, telling Carla to stop annoying him.
The point of the video was comical; it was meant to be funny. Carla doesn't know if this woman was taking a shot at her or doesn't have a sense of humor. This woman is only following A.Z. and not Carla and is a real estate agent. Carla triggered this woman because she is following A.Z. and not her. It didn't bother Carla, and she answered it by making another video with A.Z. that night in their backyard. It didn't shut Carla down, and A.Z. went along with it.
When someone takes the time to scroll through the feed on their phone, stop looking at the content and sit there through an entire video; then, take the time to comment, take it as a compliment. Even if it is a negative comment, take pride in it; your actions are so powerful, and so forward, they stopped to look. You are doing something good, and you need to continue to do that.
You are exposing their inability to have the courage that you have. When you hear it, go harder and don't sit there and think about it. It has nothing to do with you and everything to do with you. You must continue to put the content and yourself out there so that you can attract the right people for your businesses.
Carla wanted to tell this woman to go sell a house, do something, but stop trolling her. Instead, she answered the negativity with more content and more videos. It is fuel, and she doesn't do it to annoy someone; Carla enjoys it and isn't going to allow someone to trigger her, so it isn't. If you are in Carla’s circle and you know who she is, that's what her videos are about. Carla has a whole army behind her that will whoop your butt if they find out who you are.
Every business owner needs these free platforms, these free tools to help grow their business. Understand that there will always be some negative aspects to it. It is your job to continue to plow through it, harnessing your power as an individual. Regardless of who makes these comments, it may not be a stranger, outlast them. Are you only as good as their comment? Will you be able to overcome it and showcase to them that you are no longer the person they once knew? This is who you are, and you are consistent and will continue to go forward, regardless of what is said.
If you take on that philosophy, you will begin to notice that you are reaping the benefits to realize the profits in your business. You are now attracting the right people, and they will love the one thing that they are most likely lacking. That is consistency, a beautiful trait that many look up to. We can all build that regardless of our economic background, the different levels of success, your consistency is looked at as a beautiful trait by all. It is up to you to stay with it.
Tik Tok isn't meant for everyone, but it meant for Carla. Her goal is to get 100k followers. If she got to 28,000 in less than two months, her goal is entirely attainable. Carla did a talent show in grade school to New Kids on the Block, and the entire time she did the running man, and everyone booed her off stage. It wasn't pretty, but it is her go-to dance move. Carla owns it, and that is all she should care about.
If you are a business owner, don't let anyone hold you back, and it is a simple lesson, but it goes a long way. Don't forget to subscribe, rate, and review this podcast on your favorite podcast provider. For more information about Do the Work, go to www.dothework.com.
Holiday Blues | Do The Work Podcast with A.Z. and Carla Araujo - Episode 22
What should be the happiest time of the year can give you the blues when the burdens of stress and others' expectations weigh you down. The focus becomes less on what the season represents and becomes more about the gifts people want to receive. We may all have a bit of a Grinch inside of us, but when you continue to focus on your body, business, and mindset, the bah-humbug attitude will be tossed aside to make way for a prosperous new year.
You're a Mean One Mrs. Grinch
Are You Spoiling Your Kids?
Social Media Affairs | Do The Work Podcast with A.Z. and Carla Araujo - Episode 21
When social media became a reality for the marketing success of A.Z., Carla struggled with it. Putting yourself out there can be awkward and intimidating for your partner and may leave them feeling left behind. You need to focus on what you want, even if that means your spouse is not on the same page. Through your proven success, they will come on board or jump ship; don't let the opinions of others keep you from being your authentic self.
Give Credit Where Credit is Due
Be True to Your True Self
Their business has grown exponentially because of the transparency they both have shown on social media. People know who they are getting the minute they walk into the doors. Putting it out there will help you learn to harness your true power, which is your personality.
Steer clear from drama; if someone comments negatively, don't answer them back. What would Carla say to someone who wants to get to a higher level in their business but are being constrained by not marketing on social media? They aren't their authentic self because their spouse has an issue with it. How can they move past that?
When it created issues in A.Z. and Carla's home, A.Z. was diligent about what he wanted and how he was going to get there. Carla thinks they should face that pain now as opposed to later. You need to continue being you and figure out what you want the outcome to be. If the other person is not on the same page as you, it may be time for some crucial conversations.
Carla and A.Z. had discovered they needed to follow their paths but also were caught in old patterns of trying to control what the other was doing. Couples need to understand that they don't own their partner; they are your spouse, friends, and business partners in their case.
Couples make the mistake of trying to own the other person; they are not an extension of you, but their own person. They have their experiences and personalities and will show up in a way that is unique to them. You should be two independent people coming together for a common goal. If you are in that place, you could be in a web of interdependency or codependency.
Are you going to have a crucial conversation and possibly divorce or be the business person you are looking at? Balance is great if the other person is willing to be part of a give and take relationship. Balance is hard if you aren't on the same page willing to compromise. Compromise on the flip side can lead to complacency.
“ Balance is great if the other person is willing to be part of a give and take relationship. Balance is hard if you aren't on the same page and willing to compromise.”- Carla
The last thing that A.Z. and Carla want, is to stay another five years in a marriage when it's not what they want; they still have this conversation. You always need to know what the other person wants because you are constantly changing; you need to have crucial conversations.
A.Z. would have never imagined that Carla would become the powerful person that she is today. It takes a powerful man to handle a strong woman; men need to realize that they can hold their wives back at times. When you become consistent, you will begin to see a whole new audience. Those are the people who will stay with you.
If you are in a situation where you are feeling constrained, find out what you want, and have the crucial conversations. Calling this podcast Social Media Affairs covers a broad spectrum of relationships; there are so many insecurities within the relationships you make on social media. Your spouse may not understand the relationships you have with people and that it is all business.
If you don't trust the other person now, nothing will change. You can't keep the other person from doing what they want to do because you are afraid that they will stray. Go to your favorite podcast provider and subscribe, rate, and review this podcast. If you send A.Z. a copy of your review, he will send you a free DTW t-shirt.
Anniversaries and Colonoscopies | Do The Work Podcast with A.Z. and Carla Araujo - Episode 20
After 16 years of marriage and 20 years together, Carla and A.Z. were on the brink of calling it quits. It can happen in any relationship; you stop depositing into your spouse and focus solely on your business. This can leave your spouse feeling unloved and unimportant. Communication is vital in any relationship but crucial to the long-term success of your marriage. Creating the capacity within that space allows you to identify and deal head-on with those disagreements before they become deal-breakers.
Marriage and Mortgages
Colonoscopy Date Night
Carla Moved Out | Do The Work Podcast with A.Z. and Carla Araujo - Episode 19
A new relationship is exciting, and you enjoy sharing every bit of space with the person you wake up next too. That can change after years of doing life, love, and business with the same person and never having the ability to create a space for yourself. We all need a place to re-group and recharge, free from anyone or anything. Even if it's just a toilet and a place to slap on your lotion in peace.
A Sink For You, A Sink For Me
Carla grabbed her stuff and moved out, and A.Z. isn't sure how he feels about that. She loves and adores him; she is committed to him; she also believes there is a right way and a wrong way to create space in a marriage after 20 years. She had to do it the right way and made sure that she didn't do it out of anger, hate, or revenge.
Carla wanted to make sure her frame of mind was in a good place when she moved out. She moved out because she wanted to create space for both of them, and she thinks it was a good move; it isn't for everyone, but they have enough space in their home to make it happen. If you haven't caught on, Carla moved out of their bathroom. It's a big bathroom, with two sinks and separate closets, but not big enough.
Carla refuses to shower, change, or even wash her hands in the same bathroom as A.Z. After 20 years, Carla was bothered every morning by little things, and she doesn't want to tiptoe around; it throws her off. She hits the ground running in the morning and likes to get up and move. Carla feels that since A.Z. is a businessman, every morning, and she likes to listen to her Christian music and slap lotion loudly on herself, A.Z. gives her a hard time about the noise she makes.
A.Z. admits that since Carla moved out of their bathroom, she has been more agreeable in the morning. She agrees because she has her own space, a room of her own. There is a right way and a wrong way to create space, and Carla doesn't believe the right way would be to move out of the bedroom or the bed. That wouldn't make her happy because she likes to cuddle and be held. She also needs her freedom in the house at some point in the day; she is free from him in her own bathroom.
“I admit that since she moved out of the bathroom she is nicer to me in the morning. Was that the reason she was so pissed off all the time?”- A.Z.
The couple does everything together; live, sleep, work- everything! They are like peanut butter and jelly, bagels and cream cheese, and Thelma and Louise. They are connected in all aspects of their life but don't need to share a toilet. A.Z wonders if this will stop at only the bathroom or will her need for space go beyond that.
Happy Wife; More Counter Space
A.Z. woke up one morning, and all of a sudden, he had more counter space; all of Carla's stuff was gone. He didn't say anything to her right away because she has tried this in the past. In the past she did it out of spite, she wanted a reaction out of him. A.Z. did react, the first time.
This time it has worked out beautifully for both of them, and Carla is happy in the morning to be able to do her routine. Carla needed a break from their routine as a couple; she wanted some separation and space, stepping away from their routine. Carla believes this is healthy for their relationship after 20 years.
A.Z. still misses her in the morning, and she misses him, but they are missing each other and are happier. She will never move out of the bedroom because she knows she has a beautiful man she is sleeping with.
How can others do this without making their significant other upset? There are probably a lot of men or women out there, looking to create some space for themselves. First, you need to ask yourself what is the reason behind needing the space. What is your reason or need? Carla did it for positive outcomes and good intentions, not like before.
Creating space for yourself somewhere is vital, important, it's everything. At the beginning of a new relationship, you always want to be close. Once a few years pass, you wake up one morning and need to be comfortable in your space. Carla wanted to do her own thing and not have to tiptoe around so she wouldn't disturb A.Z. while he slept.
“Go and create a space for yourself and this will allow them to create the space they need without the guilt.”- Carla
A.Z. got a happier wife and business partner, as well as more counter space. Carla has a door in the bathroom she moved into that goes out to the backyard. She makes her noise on the other side of the house and leaves from there. It gives her clarity in the morning that she needed to get her mind right for the day ahead.
Carla feels this makes the bond with A.Z. stronger, and he understands where she is coming from. It isn't against A.Z., and if she had done it out of anger, then that would have been the wrong situation for her to leave the bathroom. At first, A.Z. was confused by it; he thought they had learned to cohabitate with each other well, but he understands it now.
Carla adores A.Z. and loves to cuddle up with him, but she began to lose herself and realized she needed space, a simple idea of having her area in the bathroom. It is all in the execution of it; she needed to do it while they were in the right place. A.Z. sees the benefits now, even with his ego taking a hit in the beginning.
The doors to his bathroom are always open, but she isn't knocking on that door. It comes back to the question of what do you want? Carla is happier, and in turn, so is A.Z. If you see your spouse is frustrated and needs space, don't ask them if they want you to give them space; it makes the other person defensive and will hurt their feelings.
Let It Burn | Do The Work Podcast with Carla Araujo - Episode 18 (Featuring Michelle Cordova)
As young girls, we are taught to posture, hold in how we feel, and maintain our composure. When that fire within us finally boils out, we burn everyone around us to get the hurt and pain out. Learning to harness that fire, and speak your truth will liberate that anger and allow you to live your life as a free woman.
Carla has been down the last few days, not feeling herself. She was in charge of the scoreboard at her daughter's Volleyball game the previous day, but when she arrived, another woman said she was doing it for the season. Carla told the woman she was going to stay there with her because she felt something drove her to be there at that moment.
Carla has always been someone to come in close when she talks with people. She touched the woman's shoulder, and she shrugged Carla away, and Carla moved over a bit and gave her some space. Carla wanted her to show how she was working the scoreboard, and the woman told her she needed silence to work.
Carla didn't care how rude this woman was; she wasn't going anywhere because she could feel something deeper was happening. Something was telling her to stay, and the old Carla would have just walked away. The woman started to open up about her husband, and she had been crying, and she was hunched over a bit, her body language was showing she lacked confidence.
She shared with Carla that one of her daughter's former coaches was in the building and he had less than ten days to live. He had an illness that runs through his body, and he wanted to see her daughter play one last time. Carla said to her that God works in mysterious ways, and she could have walked away. Something told her to stay there, and Carla offered to talk with her. They both cried, and Carla placed her hand on her hand and told her it would be okay.
We seem to put ourselves in a place that when negative comes our way, it's against us; it goes deeper than that. You need to step out of your body and see life differently. If you aren't happy with yourself, you can't see that in anybody else. Carla's depression and anxiety have been harsh on her, and people don't know that because she doesn't express it. She is still showing up in her business, with her family; everywhere.
“We seem to put ourselves in a place that when negativity comes our way, it's against us; it goes deeper than that. You need to step out of your body and see life differently.”- Carla
Your body language and the way that you carry yourself people can see that, and we are blinded because we don't have the courage to say we aren't going anywhere. Carla waited patiently with that woman, allowing her to lean in on her. She sat there and gave her that moment and space.
Misdirected Anger
Release the Fire
Mousy Voice | Do The Work Podcast with A.Z. and Carla Araujo - Episode 17
Training Your Voice
The topic today may be uncomfortable for some people. Your voice can make or break you, especially in sales. When we are face to face, we use body language to show assertiveness, strength, and seriousness. You can be great at writing emails but on the phone, if you sound weak people will perceive you as weak.
It isn't only the way you sound, but it's an attitude and how you carry yourself. This isn't a man or a woman-specific issue; it is all-inclusive. When you aren't assertive and confident in what you say and how you say it, you give the other person an open door to take advantage, gaining the upper hand.
What are some of the ways we can train our voice for success? Carla asked someone to be honest with her and asked them what they thought of her the first time they met. Was she tough or too assertive? They answered that Carla made them feel like she would be capable of closing a deal with her voice; no matter what happens, she will make shit happen. Carla thought that was a great response and a great thing to have; growing up, she didn't have that.
What are some tools that you need to have to train your voice? You need to be on the phone a lot, calling and speaking with people. You can't be quiet, unsure, and demure; you need to be confident, strong, and to the point. Both Carla and Janette were raised in houses with loud people, and that has helped them being on the phone in business.
Carla on the phone now is entirely different than how she was when she started in sales. Now when people tell her she talks fast, she tells them to keep up. If they tell her she talks too loud, then she asks them why they are talking. Growing up, when people would say those things she would shut down. Carla has so much energy on the phone now you can feel it on the other end.
You need to put the reps on the phone learning to speak clearly, without stammering. Be confident and specific about what you are trying to convey. The confidence in our voices can be aggressive at times and come off as condescending. If you have an aggressive and loud voice already, someone trying to speak over you can put you on the defensive.
“You need to put the reps on the phone learning to speak clearly, without stammering. Be confident and specific about what you are trying to convey.”- Janette
If you are speaking to someone and they are coming at you overly confident, let them talk and listen to them. People need to learn to listen, and if it goes on too long, you can cut it off. Listen to what they are saying and then repeat it back.
Finding Your Voice
Carla went through stages with her voice, she was out there, then she shut down, and her voice changed. In her first live video, 'Carla's voice was squeaky. A mousy voice is perceived as weak; It doesn't sound genuine but fake and lacking in confidence. Carla used to belittle herself because she didn't want to overpower people with her voice or for people to perceive her as mean.
Your voice is a powerful tool; it's an instrument that can play weak or powerful. Attached to that is knowing who you are. Carla has a Women's Event that is coming up, and it is about finding your voice and what you want out of life. If you go to www.dothework/we3.com, you can get more information on this event that is coming up on September 27th and 28th in Arizona. Register and apply or follow Carla and her journey.
To have a solid voice, you need to know who you are, and that is how you find it. Janette, like all of us, have gone through hard times; it defines who you are when you have a strong, confident voice. When Janette first became the Broker for A.Z. & Associates, she was not confident when she was on camera, and she has grown leaps and bounds in that aspect.
The more reps she did and the more comfortable she became, she is now the Badass Broker. The agents at A.Z. & Associates are continually doing the work and putting in the reps to be as badass as they can be. When Carla asked one of the men at the agency, how they respond when a woman approaches them with a weak, mousy voice, how does he react? He admits that it's human nature to want to go in and take control and advantage of the conversation, especially if it's on sale.
When you show up weak and feel threatened, the automatic response is to raise your voice and become rude. Some people shut down when someone else is trying to voice their opinion or prove a point. It happens a lot because they don't want to argue or put up a fight; it's not worth it to them. It should be worth it though, because those are the repetitions you need to be putting in. By having awkward conversations and being put in uncomfortable situations, you will be training your voice to show up confidently.
“The more you get a backbone and put yourself out there, the stronger and more confident you will become. If you show up with a small voice and weak handshake, that is how people will see you. When you give that energy of weakness that is the energy you will get in return. ”- Carla
Confrontation is awesome because you learn so much about yourself. You need to speak up, but you also need to listen and not focus on only your response. By Janette returning a call to agents and clients that aren't happy and are confrontational she has put in the reps to use her voice to achieve success.
Ask someone you trust, if they didn't know you, how would your voice come across to them? Is it strong and confident or shaky and mousy? How do you sound on the phone? It's important to know who you are and what you are. Do a live video, and how do you sound when you watch it back?
When you are holding the camera and you are shaking, and you can't stand to hear yourself talk on camera; how else are you showing up in other areas? What are you showing to other people around you? Do live videos and put yourself out there. How do you sound? Are you genuine or fake? How you criticize others is how they criticize you; we criticize others in the way we view ourselves. If you're showing up weak, mousy, anxious, fearful, that is how your audience is seeing you.
If you want respect from others, give that energy to yourself first; show up strong. The more you get a backbone and put yourself out there, the stronger and more confident you will become. If you show up with the small voice and the weak handshake, that is how people will see you. You give that energy of weakness that is the energy you will get in return.
If you are afraid of confrontation, ask yourself why? You need to have those conversations and not avoid them. A lot of people avoid putting out the message they need to put out. Offering sweetness and being meek will not get you the results or respect you want or need to succeed. Be direct, ask people what they want, listen, and respond with confidence and assertiveness; this is how you will find your voice and discover who you are.
Know who you are, and if you are unsure or unhappy, find out why. What will it take to make you happy?
Subscribe, rate, and review this podcast on your favorite podcast provider or go to www.dothework.com to learn more about Carla or to apply to be a part of The WE3 Event coming up September 27th and 28th.
Intimidation | Do The Work Podcast with A.Z. and Carla Araujo - Episode 16
Being married has its challenges, and communication can be the most significant task to master. Body language and silence can be as damaging as a harsh word. How are you showing up in your relationship at home and your business? You need to have the ability to step back and allow your spouse the space to express themselves but not cross those crucial lines. Becoming aware of how you communicate is the first step.
Intimidating Unaware
The energy we have in the studio is not great; We are already a little pissed off. Carla feels that A.Z. is always correcting her and intimidating her. Carla recently did a live video because there are certain things that men do, to try to intimidate their women all of the time without even knowing that they are doing it. It can be a look or their body language; are you trying to intimidate your woman without being aware of it?
A.Z. thinks women go about it a different way, especially in a usually healthy relationship. We aren't talking about an abusive relationship; we are talking about the ones that don't cross certain lines. We all cross certain lines when it comes to verbal communication. Carla knows that A.Z. will never lay his hands on her or step up to her; however, in knowing that he sometimes feels that she crosses that line on how she speaks to him. A.Z. questions Carla, and she feels he is belittling her to make her think that she doesn't know what she is talking about.
They both feel that they overstep their boundaries. They push each other's buttons because they know they don't disrespect each other. A.Z. has never cussed at Carla or laid a hand on her. Carla admits that she can come at A.Z. pretty when she is upset, and he becomes her punching bag, in away.
We get comfortable in a relationship, and it is your responsibility to protect yourself against your spouse. A.Z. tells Carla she doesn't need her to talk to him that way, and he will leave. Carla lets her emotions take over at times when all she needs is time, and she will come up with a solution. The old A.Z. would have questioned her and the frustration she was feeling.
Now A.Z. lets her vent, but lets her know when she crosses that line; he allows her space now for her to come up with a solution. A.Z. was always trying to control her in a sense and give her a solution which she thought was intimidation. Carla knows A.Z. will never touch her in anger, which provides her with the space to scream and yell.
“You were always trying to control me in a sense by giving me a solution which I thought was intimidating. I know you won't touch me out of anger, so that is why I scream and yell.
”- Carla
A.Z. has told Carla that if he came at her with the same veracity or level of aggressiveness that she does, he would be locked up. In most situations, men are physically stronger and can be more intimidating.
This morning they were in their room and having a conversation that got heated. A.Z. was questioning Carla and telling her she wasn't making sense. The way he got quiet and started to look at her, and he does that a lot because her thought process is entirely different than his. He is wired that way; if she isn't on the same wavelength as him, she must be wrong. He isn't always right, but he has a way that he responds to that. When he responds that way, Carla starts to question herself, and she hasn't done anything wrong.
When A.Z. looks at Carla a certain way or nudges her under the table; that is his way of intimidating her. He isn't aware he is doing it, and Carla doesn't realize when she is doing it. That happens a lot in relationships when we aren't mindful of what we are doing to each other; we become comfortable and would never treat a stranger that way.
Disrespect is Not an Option
Table Turning
Manipulation happens when you are trying to make the other person feel like they are in the wrong. A.Z. used to turn the tables on Carla and ask her if she saw how she was acting and make her look like a crazy, out of control woman. The way he was looking at her, to begin with, he knew he was wrong, but then he would act oblivious to it.
He would use the excuse that he didn't do anything; he didn't yell at her to trigger the way Carla was acting. A.Z. would continuously do that and make Carla question whether or not she was crazy. The way that A.Z. used to show up in the relationship was bleeding into the way that Carla was showing up in other areas of her life. When he intimidates her in those ways, it can erode her confidence. It also affected the way she communicated with other men because of their body language.
The intimidation was still there and wired in her head; A.Z. was a bad influence on her. As couples, we can erode each other's confidence, ambitions, and goals as opposed to building them up. It's through the way we see ourselves, and we get frustrated and lash out at the other person. They feel they have been mindful of where to draw the line, and sometimes Carla is a habitual line crosser, but not to a point where she is cursing, she is venting.
You see couples in public yelling at each other, and if they can't contain themselves outside of their home, you only see a fraction of what their home life is like. The intensity of how A.Z. and Carla go at it is only a fraction of what people see. Behind closed doors it can get more intense, it doesn't cross certain lines though, not that it makes it right.
You can't control the other person; you can only control yourself and figure out why you are lashing out at that person. A.Z. used to be oblivious to the looks he would give Carla, but now he is aware. Carla feels that now they are more intuned with themselves and how they treat each other.
Carla tries to talk herself down now and determine what is making her so angry in the moment. It usually is feelings from the past bubbling up. She has to stop and realize that she isn't the same person she used to be and either is A.Z. He doesn't intimidate her in a way that makes her feel she doesn't have a voice; how she feels is how she feels, and she isn't afraid to speak up.
When men try to apply pressure through intimidation, they expect a woman to back down for their agenda. When a woman doesn't back down, they don't know how to react, and they aren't even aware they were trying to intimidate her. Men won't treat other men that way. They automatically think the woman is being mean and turns it, so she feels she is aggressive when she was only not giving in to his intimidation.
Men don't realize that they are continually trying to disempower women by questioning them. Another way is when a man familiarly addresses a woman by calling her sweetheart, which unintentionally puts a woman in a position of less than. You call a little girl sweetheart, not a grown woman, in business.
If you are a woman and are continually being addressed like that, how do they see you, and how are you showing up? You are giving a man that energy that it is okay for him to call you that; you are helpless and need them to call you that. You need to put a stop to it, and they will be aware that it isn't appropriate or appreciated.
Working together all day, there is a balance of respect and knowing what is appropriate at work and home. Carla loves when A.Z. gets home and treats her like his lover and calls her Sweet Cheeks, but at work, he would never talk to her like that. It is a matter of respect, and they have had that conversation.
Carla used to use A.Z.'s past against him and everything she knew about him as a weapon. A lot of men are in that position where their women have their balls and stripped them of their power. A.Z. felt that way in the past because of his failures, and he was in a different space.
Carla struggled with her role as a business owner with her husband and being vulnerable with him at home. She was afraid to allow herself to go to that place again.
Remember to Subscribe, Rate, and Review this podcast at www.dothework.com or your favorite podcast provider. If you send A.Z. a copy of your review, he will send you some Do the Work gear. Sometimes these podcasts can be hard to make, especially if it is in the heat of the moment and recently happened in their relationship. They come at each other hard, and they have to let it all out before they go live.
When they started the podcast a few years ago, they would walk away, still heated. They have come too far and have gone too deep now to allow this ever to wedge their relationship. They are powerful enough to overcome, and that is the crucial difference to who they were and who they are now. Even though they have some heated moments, it is only a fraction of the time, and they can overcome.
3 Things | Do The Work Podcast with A.Z. and Carla Araujo - Episode 15
The things we find cute and charming about our spouse when we first meet can dull and annoy as we get older. It is essential to realize that the person annoying you isn't the issue; you are. Whatever the problem, it has nothing to do with what is happening at the moment and everything that happened in the days that led up to that point. Having crucial conversations with your spouse when you are angry with them will save you the argument over who left the lid off of the toothpaste later.
Beard Balm and Outbursts
Not So Cute Anymore
When A.Z. was sick or hurt when they first met, he would become a big baby, and she would coddle him; she thought it was sweet and cute. As the years passed, it became annoying. When A.Z. gets a cold all of a sudden, he turns into a child and a big cry baby. Something recently happened with his hip while he was biking, and he was traumatized. Carla thinks he needs to get over it and stop crying about it. She took care of him though, and the next day, he told Carla it was a miracle, and he was healed; she told him it was all in his head.
A.Z. loves Carla's energy and the fact that she always wants to do something; he loves that she is athletic and enjoys doing things as he does. It annoys A.Z. though that she won't stop; he wants to sleep in once in a while. Carla doesn't wake up slowly and stretch; she jumps up and gets going. A.Z. doesn't feel she can ever chill out and relax.
They are joking around a little, and there may be some discussion later, but they think their next show should be about the things they love about each other. Carla and A.Z. adore each other, and they know what annoys each other.
The reason they started this conversation was Carla posted a throwback picture of them from 2004. In her coaching calls, she listened to what her clients are annoyed by, and she hears herself talk about what she is annoyed by, and it is ridiculous. It isn't ridiculous at the moment, and it becomes annoying.
It isn't the actual moment, but what happened weeks and months before that moment. What are you annoyed about and what is going on that you cannot have that crucial conversation with your spouse? We tend to blame it on the beard balm, the messes, and disorganization; in reality, it has nothing to do with your spouse and everything to do with you.
“We tend to blame it on the beard balm, the messes, and disorganization; in reality, it has nothing to do with your spouse and everything to do with you. ”- Carla
It isn't the person who is annoying but the person who is getting annoyed. It reminds A.Z. of clients who have told him how their kids aren't pushing themselves to be great athletes. If you flip that story around that same person has fallen short in their business. They are trying to live vicariously through their kids. The same things happen in marriages.
A.Z. loves Carla with all of his heart, and that isn't going to change. This is a candid conversation you as a couple can have, but it can create chaos. When you avoid the crucial conversations as issues arise, they boil over into the smaller annoyances. It can cause a bigger mess if you don't stop and communicate with your spouse.
Remember to subscribe, rate, and review at www.dothework.com or your favorite podcast provider.
Flipping Issues | Do The Work Podcast with A.Z. and Carla Araujo - Episode 14
If you have ever been married or in a long term relationship you have experienced this; flipping the issue. Taking an argument that started as a result of something you did and immediately flipping that attention to the other person to avoid the issue. It can be intentional or unintentional, but many are guilty of doing this during a confrontation with their spouse. The solution is easy and can be initiated by one or both; taking ownership. Once you can own who you are and the responsibility you share in an issue, your conflicts can be resolved and not forced into a bigger situation.
Flipping the Issues
There will always be two perspectives in marriage; two stories and the truth. No one will ever know the truth, because each one has their truth, and that is their reality.
You can try to convince the other that they are wrong, but that won't work. A.Z. feels he is more rational in certain situations, and Carla isn't going to argue with him because she doesn't know how she feels about that statement. A.Z. can admit that he flips a lot and makes Carla feel like she is the crazy one which is based on his reality and how he sees things.
Carla could sit in that and believe that she is crazy or she can stand firm for what she believes. They can either argue, or Carla can get angry and loud, and that is her reality. What would a third party say about how they argue? Who Carla is in that argument that they are seeing isn't the Carla she was an hour before; they don't see the true version of herself.
Once during an argument, A.Z. told Carla he thought she might have multiple personalities. Based on the criteria for people who have multiple personalities, A.Z. feels Carla hits 9 out of 10. Carla decided to ask her Mom and her brother, and they didn't side with her. She told A.Z. he might be onto something and he still went along with it.
Based on A.Z.'s reality and engagements with Carla, he felt something was going on. Carla sat for some time in that thought, and she started to question if she had multiple personalities. She believes that everyone has them, and A.Z. agrees; when he gets triggered a different version of himself surfaces.
Women have a lot of pressure from family to kids to work; Carla feels men drive women crazy. A.Z. feels a lot of men get the short end of the stick on that. Men get the blame when it's the woman who chooses to disempower herself by not going after what she wanted before they were married. Going after their careers, ambitions, and goals; they only have one person to blame, and that is the man.
“Men get the blame when it's the woman who chooses to disempower herself by not going after what she wanted before she was married.”- A.Z.
As the man they don't understand because they thought that is what the woman wanted; she wanted to stay home with the kids and wanted a family. That is why men assume that the woman is crazy. Carla agrees that is true because that is not what the woman wants, and the man drives them nuts.
How is that solved then? There is no solution; you learn to embrace the crazy. Carla isn't going to change because A.Z. thinks she is wrong. Carla owns who she is and is confident in who she is. Carla is like a chameleon, and she adapts from situation to situation; we all have that in us, but not all will admit it.
When Carla calls herself crazy she owns it as part of her personality, but she doesn't want A.Z. calling her Crazy Carla; he flips it on her saying she says it so he can.
A Trip of Gratitude
Over the weekend they went to L.A. with a few people. They met up with a friend of theirs and had a great conversation for 3 hours. Carla wanted to tell this person thank you and show some gratitude for what he has meant to her life. They have never had the opportunity to sit down and express their thanks on a deeper level.
The person they are talking about is named Jeremy Finley, and he was part of Wake Up Warrior with A.Z. He was the person who interviewed Carla many years ago, and she was able to open up to him on camera. For the first time, she was able to open up and put herself out there.
Jeremy had come to video A.Z. and his life originally, and he ended up talking to Carla. He put the camera in front of her and asked the right questions and had the right energy. The energy he gave Carla she took it from there and the more she gave him, the more questions he asked about her.
Carla had an open window to understand that she had one opportunity to give it her all, bringing all of her stories to the surface. There were things she told Jeremy that she had never told A.Z. The deeper Carla went, the better his questioning became. She gave him her whole life for over 5 hours.
Jeremy needed Carla's approval to air what he had recorded; she told him it was okay, what was the worst that could happen? What did she have to fear? She couldn't go back and take back everything she had put out into the world. Carla has always been open and honest about her experiences.
Carla understands everything about herself, and it was a defining moment for her. Jeremy was one of the individuals in her life that helped impact the growth of her and who she is as a mother, a wife, a business owner, and a coach and trainer. He put a camera in her face, and she had to put herself out there; she had to be willing to go all-in and give what she did at that moment. That took courage, and she could have easily retracted her story.
“I had an open window to understand that I had one opportunity to give it my all, bringing all of my stories to the surface. There were things I told Jeremy that I had never told A.Z. ”- Carla
Carla chose to keep moving forward, and every chance she had to open up, she took it. To tell Jeremy thank you was the entire reason for their trip to L.A. She never had the opportunity to sit with him since that moment five years ago and tell him how he had impacted her life.
Talk, Talk, Talk
Carla is getting ready to embark on her third women's event, and this one is leaps and bounds from the last. There is a lot of dissecting and growth that happens when you push so hard; they are never the same.
It was awesome for A.Z. to witness this meeting between Jeremy and Carla, and he got involved in the energy as well. It was very intense. Carla went out there for her purpose and reasons for gratitude and A.Z. was there to keep her company. After three hours they said goodbye, and they get in the car, and within five minutes A.Z. looks at Carla and tells her she talks too much.
A.Z. had asked her how she thought it went, and all she did was tell him how she felt, and he tells her she talks too much. A.Z. felt that Carla didn't let him talk and started to question her. In her mind, she began to think maybe he was right; maybe she didn't let him talk.
Carla started to go crazy and feel guilt and embarrassment. A.Z. tends to bring up moments that have nothing to do with the moment they are in; he wants to support what he is saying with other instances. He flips it on Carla and makes her question herself. If A.Z. tells Carla he needs to get ready to leave, for example, it goes from Carla talking a hundred miles an hour to her, ignoring him the rest of the day.
She feels she is giving him his space by not talking to him and A.Z. flips that on her. It has nothing to do with her being upset; she is giving him space. Carla doesn't feel A.Z. can accept that and feels the whole thing is insane.
A.Z.'s point about Carla talking too much with Jeremy is that he sat back and let her have her time with him; for three hours. When the conversation turned, A.Z. asked Jeremy a question, and Carla turned the conversation back to her. She felt it didn't matter because the trip wasn't about A.Z.
Carla feels that if she never stuck up for herself and told A.Z. that if he wanted to talk to Jeremy, he needed to fly back out, she feels his questions would have interrupted her momentum. So how she worked her way through her actions and who she was; she owned it.
Carla feels that if she talks too much, that isn't her problem; that's A.Z.'s problem, and he needs to deal with it. When A.Z. says something to Carla, it erodes her confidence. She is radically different than who she used to be. A.Z. used to tell her things, and Carla would try to conform to it; now she tells him her perspective is different and if he doesn't like it too bad.
This is where A.Z. sees that Carla grew her backbone, gained her confidence, where she changed as a woman, a wife, and a business person; when she does something, she owns it, because that is part of who she is.
A.Z. is still going to put in his two cents, and Carla needs him to show up as well, she needs a man to handle her. A.Z. feels that it happens a lot in relationships when one spouse pokes fun at the other to get in good with a third party. He has caught himself poking fun at Carla with her mom or one of her friends so he could build that rapport with them at the expense of Carla. Carla has done that to A.Z. as well. They have been good with telling each other when that happens that they don't appreciate it.
It doesn't matter who you are trying to team up with or bond with you don't gang up on your spouse; that's not right. Even jokingly, it will eventually lead to a point where it is not okay. A.Z. appreciates the growth in Carla, and it challenges him.
They are in synch, and on the same wavelength; they have the same goals and ambitions for their business. They also have their own goals and ambitions that they can maintain.
We all have our downfalls. We all flip the issues to take the focus off of the problem at hand, sometimes unintentionally. A.Z. realizes that it may even be a form of manipulation.
There is one solution to this; taking ownership of the decisions you have made and the actions you took. That alleviates any blame and tension, and it all leads to ownership. Remember to Subscribe, rate, and review this podcast at www.dothework.com. There is also an event coming up in September for women. Go to www.dothework.com/we3 and fill out an application which will get you a one on one call with Carla to see if the event is right for you.
What Not To Do In Your Marriage | Do The Work Podcast with A.Z. and Carla Araujo - Episode 13
There is something to be said about leaving a little mystery in your relationship. It's a good thing to know everything about your spouse, but maybe some things are better left in the bathroom. Some couples don't mind doing the "Paperwork" or "letting loose" once in a while in front of their significant other, but A.Z. and Carla have never desired to unmask that element of themselves to each other. Having a baby is a beautiful thing but witnessing that process, up close and personal, may kill the physical attraction a man has for his wife. A.Z. and Carla respect the three boundaries they have set with each other, and they will never cross that line of what you should never do in your marriage.
You Need Some Mystery
We are talking today about the 3 Things Not to Do in Your Marriage. What makes AZ and Carla experts in this? They have been together 20 years and married for 16 of those years; they can say they are happily married now. Has it always been that way? No.
There are 3 Things the couple never crossed the line on; regardless of how ugly it got. These are the 3 Things they do not do in their marriage, and they are more common than not. A few years ago, Carla was in tremendous pain following a beautiful night out together. In the middle of the night, she is grimacing in pain, they didn't know what was wrong, but because of the pain, they were thinking the worst of the situation.
They take a trip to the E.R., and A.Z. drove as fast as he could, Carla is in severe pain. They get to the hospital, and A.Z. was getting agitated because there was no sense of urgency from the staff. After some time had passed, A.Z. had gone off on the admin staff because of the wait, and Carla is still in excruciating pain.
Eventually, they took Carla back and began to ask her some questions, the Doctor made A.Z. leave, and they asked Carla if A.Z had abused her. After Carla told them no, A.Z. came back into the room, and the Doctor was very straightforward as he was an ex-marine. They gave Carla something for her pain and took her to Xray.
Hours later, they are still waiting and wondering what was going on. The Doctor comes in and puts the x-ray up and looks at them and told them that Carla was full of shit. A.Z. stopped holding Carla's hand, thinking she had exaggerated, Carla was confused because she was in a lot of pain, not understanding why the Doctor thought she was lying. The Doctor told her she was full of shit; she had extreme constipation.
Carla was so embarrassed, and A.Z. moved away from her; the Doctor confirmed again how she was backed up. A.Z. and Carla felt awkward with each other after that because they don't talk about this subject with each other. A.Z. believed that Carla was a unicorn and didn't do the things other people do.
“I have always believed that Carla is a Unicorn and she doesn't do the normal body functions other people do. ”- A.Z.
The Doctor comes back with a gallon jug that had medication in it and Carla was to fill the jug with water and drink it. The shame in it all was now they had to walk out into the waiting room with this giant jug, in front of the people A.Z. had yelled at and they all knew why Carla was in the E.R. at this point.
Because the Doctor exposed the couple to areas that they didn't talk about before, the next few days at home were a bit uncomfortable. To the Doctor, A.Z. was her husband, and he didn't think twice about saying what the problem was. They laugh about it now but remembering this incident is what brought up today's topic.
Side Glance and Doing Number Two
In your relationship, you may have things that you don't talk about with your spouse, everything that they say not to do you may already do. If A.Z. does these things though Carla will not be happy in his marriage and if Carla does them, he will not be happy. To each his own, but they do have these three things.
Working backward, number 3; Side Glancing. It doesn't matter how much you love your wife or husband; you can't look at other people. If you are both on the same page and think that is okay then great. But when you Side Glance and think you are going to get away with it, is not okay. A.Z. is very intentional about putting out an energy that he is all about business; Within the brokerage, his clients, and everywhere. No one should ever get comfortable with thinking that A.Z. is crossing the line. His bond is with Carla, and that is it.
Does he unintentionally glance? Probably but he knows how disrespectful it is even to look. You need to focus on what you are doing and who you are with. Staring and Glancing are two different things, but Carla is also all about business, and no one should ever cross that line with her. Carla doesn't think she has ever come across a situation where someone tried that, because it is evident she is all about the business.
The normal reaction for some is to glance, but what you don't realize is the woman you just glanced at recognizes that you looked and you are with your significant other. That is the disrespect part of this because the woman you glanced at sees that disrespect you are showing your partner.
You see this all the time where the man slips back from his family to check out someone who is walking by. Some women allow their men to do this because of their insecurities. There was an instance where a man pulled up next to Carla, with his wife and kids in the car, and looked at her and said something inappropriate. Carla didn't let it go and told him he was wrong for doing that. It embarrassed him because he had been called out for crossing the line.
We all tend to get too comfortable in our relationships, but it is not okay to look at someone else when you have someone already. In business, you need to take it seriously and never put a vibe out that you are there for anything else but business. If you are married to stay in that place and give that energy back to your spouse and not to flirting in the office with a coworker. Whether it is a glance or energy, it is your responsibility to make sure you keep that distance and stay in that place; don't leave it up for grabs because it can get ugly.
It can seem so small, but it is huge. The couple work with a lot of attractive people, both men, and women, and they make sure there is always energy they put forth that they are there for business and common goals.
Number two is to never cross the line with body fluids, gasses, and restroom habits. Carla and A.Z. have always thought that having your spouse in the area where you are pooping is gross, but for some, it's normal. They don't understand why anyone would want to be in the same place that someone else is pooping; for one thing, it is gross.
Maybe it is normal, and it is human, but there is a physical attraction to your spouse, so why would you want to mess with that. Most men don't want to believe that women poop and pass gas. A.Z. doesn't do it in front of Carla, and she doesn't do it in front of him. In their home, they all have their designated spot; that is their restroom and their place of privacy.
The last thing the couple wants to think about when they are getting down and dirty or slapping skin are that they just saw the other one poop. You need to be more private; your spouse doesn't need to know you inside and out. When you get too comfortable with each other, you can lose that luster for each other. If you do it in your relationship, that is awesome, but A.Z. does not see the benefit of it.
“The last thing I want when we are slapping skin is to know I just saw you poop.”
- Carla
Don't Want to See the Grand Canyon
Who is the Coward | Do The Work Podcast with A.Z. and Carla Araujo - Episode 12
Who is the Coward?
I’ll Shoot You a Text
The Kids are Alright
No matter how many years you have been in a relationship, it is never all rainbows and unicorns. Their relationship is not perfect, and they like to share that. How many of you are out there and you love the other person, but you want more for your children and yourself? You don't want to have what you saw growing up, so you stay in the relationship because you don't want to be like your Mom and Dad and get divorced. You try to stay in the relationship for everyone but yourself. It doesn't mean you don't love your spouse; you do not like the situation.
Some people stay in it for 30 years because they didn't dare to leave. They are left wondering what their life would be like if they had made that move. How many have created a remarkable life with someone but aren't happy in it?
The reason A.Z. felt sorry for Carla was that she felt sorry for herself. Manipulation can stem from that, and a lot of people are stuck in that place because they feel they will break the person if they leave. You are doing that person an injustice, and you have to be the courageous one and tell them that you don't want to be in this relationship; they will be okay.
It always works out. They aren't broken; they aren't little kids; they are adults that can figure things out. People use the excuse of kids, but if you have older kids, they know the real story; yet you are using them as a crutch to stay there. It is perfectly normal for the kids to feel hurt, but they will be okay. You are helping them to understand that life is not perfect, and this is how to handle these kinds of situations; still loving the other person.
By staying in it, you cause a state of chaos because you think you are doing your children a favor. You aren't saving them from anything because they are living it. They are seeing a weakened person. If there is no love in the home, it is already broken, already damaged. You are instilling in your children to not take a stand for themselves, bite your tongue, and they will have to live with their choices and the consequences of them.
You have one life and decisions to make. You need to make a decision; if you decide to stay, then you need to be all in. Carla and A.Z. didn't work through it. They didn't save their marriage; they saved themselves. They went solo and worked on themselves independently. Once they figured out who they were, away from each other, then they decided they loved being in their relationship. They knew their old relationship, the one they knew had to end; they decided to come back together.
It all took that initial step of taking a stand for themselves; that is the whole premise of what they are saying today. If you are unhappy, something needs to change, because it won't change on its own. When Carla decided to work on herself, she discovered her Power and backbone, and she fell in love with who she was. When she came back to the relationship with A.Z., she had to see if she was still attracted to him. When she saw him stepping up and into who he was, she was ready to recommit to the relationship.
There are three components to attraction; Mental, Emotional, and Physical. They were always physically attracted to each other; it was the mental and emotional side that they were struggling with. They took the right measures and steps, and it would never have started if they had not taken care of themselves first.
The Prime 3 Factor is about finding your Power, and once they did, it fueled their Purpose internally and externally. From that, they realized the Profits in all aspects of their lives and the profit was confidence, money, and a great marriage. They dialed into what created their entire relationship, and it was the P3; Power, Purpose, and Profits. It's incredible how far they have come.
They both realize they are different people today but were still surprised how quickly this discussion that they had earlier went south. Don't make your spouse feel sorry for you, have them want to be there not through pity.
Stay tuned to Do the Work. Subscribe, rate, and review this podcast at www.dothework.com. There is another Woman's Event coming up in September, but it will only be open to 10 women; it will be intense. It is about breaking down the stories you have right now in your marriage, for yourself, for your business and all aspects of your life. It will impact you for the rest of your life. Keep an open for more details that are to come.
Comparisons | Do The Work Podcast with A.Z. and Carla Araujo - Episode 11
No matter how far we have come, how much we have overcome, we compare. It is human nature to look at what the other guy has, but when we do, we don't appreciate the journey we have made to get where we are. Focus on yourself, and you will be too busy to look to the left and the right; you will push forward by taking small steps towards the future meant for you. The only comparison should be when you look at who you were and who you are today and give yourself the credit you are due.
Comparison
The topic today continually comes up, regardless of where we are at in our business, marriage, or anything else. If you Subscribe, Rate and Review our Podcast on your favorite Podcast provider, be one of the first 10 to Rate and Review, we will send you a Do the Work
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Owning a business, marriage, and taking care of our bodies is hard. When things are hard, it is a trigger to the comparison. We all compare ourselves to others, and it is part of human nature; how we handle it is what will determine your happiness or unhappiness. The comparison game isn't as big when things are going well, our minds create stories, and we start to compare ourselves with everyone and everything. When things are good, we are focused on ourselves, and that is what we should be doing.
Every time you compare yourself to others, you discredit everything that you have done and accomplished; you take a step, and the comparison game kicks in. A.Z. used to get triggered when Carla would bring up the past; he would still be offended by it. An argument would usually ensue; now when she brings it up, he is on her side, because he has separated himself from the person he was.
Carla wouldn't give A.Z. credit for who he was, and not try to change him. When you are married, and in business together, you start to compare your relationship to others. When she met A.Z., he wasn't a romantic; she would always be the one to do the little things to show him that she loved him. Some women that Carla coaches want to be treated like a girlfriend and respected; that can mean completely different things to different people.
“You need to know what romance means to you; be detailed in what you actually want.”- Carla
You need to know what romance means to you; be detailed in what you want. Do you want him to cuddle you and say good morning? Do you want flowers and a night out? What exactly does it mean to you? You play the comparison game when you don't even know what you want; you know you want more, but what does that look like? Be clear with your spouse about what you want in your marriage, or it will all be confusing to you.
It can cause you to pull back in your marriage when you feel that you are the only one giving; your spouse remains clueless because you are in a game of tug of war alone. Be clear in what you want and stop waiting for your spouse to bring what you want to the table. You move forward and show him that you can be romantic. Be detailed and direct and tell your spouse exactly what you want, but you get the ball rolling.
Child's Play
Make plans with your spouse and remind them what those plans are. Don't test them by seeing if they remember, hoping in the back of your mind that they will forget. Married couples can act like children at times; you tell the one kid they are grounded, and then you don't follow through. The kid will not say anything; they want to see if you remember. Just pick up the phone and remind your spouse about the date; playing that game has only one outcome, and it's not the one you want.
Set your mind to what you want the outcome to be. Don't play games of who will remember or not; plan the date, remind them, and then go with or without them. When you start focusing on what you want from your marriage, and you follow through on it, the other person will either come on board or they won't; but take control and let go of resentment and frustration.
You can be the one to bring the romance; meet your spouse where they are at, and if they weren't that person when you met them, they still aren't going to be that person. If you want it, then create it as opposed to getting angry and acting like a child. Stop putting so much emphasis on everything that your spouse isn't; you are discrediting everything else that they are.
The comparison game it only emphasizes one particular moment or characteristic. You see what someone else's spouse is doing, and you note that your spouse isn't doing that; completely discrediting what it is that you have in your relationship. The comparison comes into play also when we stop doing what we should be doing. When something so small throws you off, it can become big in other areas.
Instead of focusing on what you don't have, start focusing on what you aren't doing. We also begin to compare when we subconsciously are trying to sabotage ourselves; things are going too good. It is very powerful to understand that when you speak the game of comparison to others, and you let it land in the wrong hands, they will agree with you.
“There was a time when we would do that and speak to other people about how we needed to change up our strategy; other people will feed into your negativity and then not only are you down on yourself, but others are feeding you poison with their words also.”- Carla
There was a time when they would do that, and they would speak to other people about how they needed to change up their strategy; other people will feed into your negativity and then not only are you down on yourself, but others are feeding you poison with their words also. They don't know they are doing it; you don't know they are doing it, and you are going in deeper into a mindset of comparison. It bleeds not only into your marriage but other areas of your life.
When someone agrees with your comparison, it gets into your mind and becomes fact.
Listen and Learn
We work hard at building our business but still compare ourselves to the guy around the corner. You don't know what that other business owner is going through, if they have partners or how they are structured; just because they are bigger doesn't make them better off. Take a few steps back and appreciate what you have created.
Let your success drive you forward and don't compare your journey with another person. Everyone has different struggles and obstacles and overcoming your own is not comparable to anyone else. People will appreciate your journey when they have witnessed first hand the growth; they won't feel the need to compare to you, when they know what it took for you to get there.
When you are willing to listen and learn from people who have been there, don't do that, you will become a sponge and want to know everything they did to get there. When you surround yourself with right minded people you learn from them; when negativity surrounds you, misery loves company.
There are people who compare their children to others even their pets. You don't know what your kid is going to become; you don't know their journey you only know the journey you have created for them. Your children grow and at 21 they aren't where you thought they would be; you just don't know.
We should brag about our kids, our business, and our marriage; no one knows the headaches, the tragedies, the hard work and sacrifice. Everyone goes through different versions of the same challenges. Are you going to move forward or stuck in the role of the victim. If you continue to plow forward you will be in a better place than you were six months ago.
Negative self-talk causes us to manifest in our lives what our thoughts are and it becomes reality. Faith is to know that there is something greater than us pulling us forward. Once you know what you want it gives you direction. Anytime you venture off from what is working it gets scary; you begin to second guess yourself.
“Once you know what you want it gives you direction. Anytime you venture off from what is working it gets scary; you begin to second guess yourself.”- A.Z.
In a text Carla told A.Z. where she said,” I am praying for your vision to become a reality, you have been waiting for this for a very long time. So much goodness is going to come out of this and the massive changes in others through your vision. Your vision is wanting more, to provide more. I am here to serve you, not as my husband but a life God told me to watch over with love and patience. I am happy to be alongside of you through it all; pain, failure, embarrassment, shame and success. I love you.” That hit A.Z. to the core.
Dog Eat Dog| Do The Work Podcast with A.Z. and Carla Araujo - Episode 10
Waiting for your partner to make the move on romance, may never happen; and that's okay. We are all wired differently when it comes to matters of the heart. The same holds true for waiting for your mate to get in shape or eat healthy; if you initiate they will follow. Don't let society dictate what your relationship should look like; you have to live it so make it work for you. Do the Work and reap the rewards.
New Puppy = No Sleep
TThe last few weeks the couple haven't been getting along as well as they have been and they are exhausted. With some guilt about them going out every weekend from their daughter and the new puppy in the house, they are wiped out. The addition of the new puppy has taken away any desire to have a third child Carla may have had in the past.
The lack of sleep has made them be a little patient and on edge a bit more. A.Z. thinks that when Carla get tired and irritable, she becomes unbearable after 6 pm. They work the same hours, they are always hustling, they are doing the same thing, and Carla has never compared who does more. The only area Carla compares is when she gets home, she is running around trying to get everything done, and when A.Z. gets home, and he chills and relaxes.
“We have developed a habit of letting it go but we have so many let it go moments that we finally decided not to let the next one go .”- Carla
A.Z. feels spending time with their daughters, and the dogs is more important than worrying about if the trash goes out or not. A.Z. can be so nice, and then he remarks about her attitude. But when she is in a good mood, and he isn't, Carla feels that A.Z. doesn't think he has an attitude. They have developed a habit of letting it go, but they have so many let it go moments that finally they decide not to let the next one go.
Carla doesn't take it from A.Z. anymore when he tries to lay blame for things around the house that don't get done, and he respects her more for it. For the most part, Carla feels spoiled by A.Z.
Sometimes Being Cute Isn't Enough
They are in the middle of a home remodel, and it is hot in Phoenix right now. They can hear the workers in their attic walking around and coughing because of the heat, dust, and insulation blowing around. Carla feels an appreciation for A.Z., and if he were in construction and had to work like that, she would baby him so much. She would shower and love him; she would kiss his feet; then turn around and be miserable for feeling like that.
When the workers left Carla noticed part of the plastic draping had fallen and she called out to A.Z. for help. He came over and told her to get some tape and the ladder; if she had wanted to do it herself, she wouldn't have called out to him. What was the point of asking him to do it? He thought they were going to do it together. Carla thought he looked on point up on that ladder hanging the tarp, but when she felt he was rudely asking her for tape she thought she didn't care how good he looked, she was done.
Sometimes and at some point, you don't care how cute your mate is, you are out. They were out to dinner once, and a gentleman behind them was, and they were attracted to A.Z. and asked Carla if A.Z. was her boyfriend.
The group of guys was shocked to hear that they had been together for 15 years and how fit they were. They commented that you don't see that very often in long term relationships where the couples are still connecting and staying fit.
“Whatever you are doing the next generation is going to magnify and tolerate more of; it's our job as parents to change the cycle even the way we talk to each other and communicate.”- A.Z.
A lot of couples lose that luster after time; they stop doing the things that are required to be attracted to their mate. When they first started dating, A.Z. told Carla never to get comfortable, and it stuck with her. If he had never said that she probably would have, it's a responsibility we have to take care of ourselves first and foremost.
You can't let the decision to take care of yourself depending on whether or not your mate is taking care of themselves. You can feed off of each other and be there for each other, but it can't be a case of I will only be all in if you are. Most couples will mirror each other and not the good traits but the lackluster things that don't require much.
Watching over your health and continued to grow and expand takes a lot of work. Spouses tend to use each other as a crutch and an excuse not to do something because their mate isn't either. Carla has a routine where she puts her vitamins out in the morning and has a whole routine; she has incorporated A.Z. into that routine because he won't do it for himself.
Carla decided after some time that A.Z. wasn't doing the things that Carla was preparing for him to do every day. She became frustrated and stopped including him in her routine. A.Z. asked her why she wasn't doing it anymore. She told him she wasn't going to waste her time if he wasn't going to do what she had planned for him. A.Z. figured out he would have to take care of himself and Carla was doing it for her and not him.
We need to do everything for ourselves because they influence each other. There has to be growth in all aspects. Carla figured that if she kept doing what she was doing for herself, eventually A.Z. would catch on. There are keys to attraction; the emotional, mental, and the physical side. When you take care of yourself, you are influencing the next generation.
I Like You; I Like You Too
When the couple started the habit of going out together a few times a week; A.Z. wasn't the initiator in that. A.Z. has never been the romantic type in their relationship, and it frustrated Carla because he would say that is how she met him. She felt she was trying to force him to be something he wasn't because society dictates that is the norm.
Carla never wanted to force something that wasn't there. If she wanted flowers, she would buy them. If Carla doesn't plan the evening out, nothing gets planned; and there is nothing wrong with that. It is out of A.Z's element, and Carla knows that although it used to be an expectation she accepts that is not who he is.
You can get influenced by what society thinks romance looks like when organizing and planning an evening out might not be your mates' strong suit, and that is okay too. A.Z. is better off of the cuff. A.Z. always is very good about bringing Carla little gifts, and she loves that about him.
It's about the influence, knowing when and why things are occurring; it may have nothing to do with what your mate is doing. Outside influences can affect your patience in your relationship. Invest in your marriage; it can be a lot of fun. There is so much negativity sometimes going around about the sacrifice involved in a marriage. If you work on you and do the things that make you feel powerful and good, that is what you will bring into your relationship.
Whatever you want in your relationship, don't wait for the other person to do it; go after it and do it yourself. Some men aren't romantic, and life is not like it is in the movies. A.Z. does bring Carla roses, and she isn't always overly excited about it, but she is thankful and appreciative, and she shows it in other ways. Look at the different ways your wife shows you appreciation beyond words of gratitude.
Manipulation | Do The Work Podcast with A.Z. and Carla Araujo - Episode 9
Identifying the role you play in your relationships is crucial to understanding how to be successful in it. Manipulation is a significant player in all relationships, and if you don't understand your part in it, you can destroy your family and your business. Learning to become self-aware of how you treat and are treated will take you to the next level in your life. Take Responsibility, Stop Compromising, Trust your Judgement, and take every opportunity as it comes; having those crucial conversations will lead to a better understanding of you and your spouse.
The Victim vs The Bully
Things have been going so good with Carla and A.Z.; it makes them wonder if something is about to happen. Having
self-reflection on how things get bad, paying attention to our behaviors so that you can continue to become better people.
Some topics of this podcast can bring up old memories. They know what is going to happen once they get rolling on the subject of “Manipulation.” A.Z.feels that as they start to go down memory lane, Carla is going to remember something he said and it will take her back to that moment and cause her to experience the same emotions she had then. Their streak of getting along is probably going to end today;
Manipulation is to make someone think and behave exactly as you want them too, by skillfully deceiving or influencing them. A recent suggestion from one of the production crew was received better by Carla, then when A.Z. presented it in a way that Carla felt was manipulative. Suggestions are good as you still think you have control. When A.Z. tells her how she needs to do something instead of a way she could do it, she thinks he is controlling.
Manipulation can run rampant; it was ingrained into their relationship without either one of them knowing. There are two types of manipulation;
- The First is the Bully Aspect of it which can cause you to be fearful and they may use threats and intimidation to control you. Blaming you, making you feel responsible or undermining you. Are you the bully in your relationship?
- The Second is the Victim. The victim acts hurt and helpless through injury. Depression, health problems, past experiences, things that have been done to them, and constantly bring this up to get what they want; to skillfully get what they want. They want the other person to feel sorry for them and feel responsible for their hurt.
“Manipulation can run rampant, it was ingrained into our relationship without either one of us knowing”- A.Z.
This is a form of manipulation because it puts them in a victim mindset. If you are not doing all of those other things, what else aren't you doing? What are the things that you aren't doing that are creating chaos in the marriage? Women can do the same thing by playing the victim; I cook, I clean, I take care of you, and I can't believe you are doing these things to me.
It goes both ways, and we all want to feel like we are the one that has been victimized; it's an excellent way to get support from others. When our spouse tells us what they want from a relationship, we can't go to the lowest form of habit and give a laundry list of everything we do for them; what are you not doing? Are you committed, or are you simply roommates? We all need to be aware of where this may be happening in our relationships.
How do you know you are playing the victim? A.Z. was the bully back when they were having issues; Carla feels he started that way, and she was the victim, and it switched because he felt so bad of the position he put his family in. A.Z. was so gung ho about a business that he messed up; Carla had to fix it, but it put her into the position of the bully. He became the victim because he was afraid he was going to lose her. It goes back and forth consistently.
A Purse with a Side of Huevos
Express Your Stress
Steps to Kick the Manipulation Habit
A.Z. Realized that Carla had made her decision on a bigger picture that he wasn't there the whole time to see. He recognized that he was trying to manipulate the situation, and they handled it.
Their relationship isn't perfect, and these things still happen; they don't happen for an extended period of time, though, and that is the difference. The outcome of this life isn't perfect, but now they catch themselves before it gets worse.
If you are unhappy in your marriage, you are either being bullied, and you are a victim or vice versa. The only way to stop it is not to expect the other person to change because it isn't going to happen.
- You need to take Responsibility
- Stop Compromising,
- Trust your Judgement
- Take Opportunities as they come
If the other person weren't around, you would figure it out. Somehow when we are in a relationship, we get comfortable, and we can't figure anything out. Marriage is not to be codependent or interdependent on anyone; it's about being two independents coming together for a common goal. When you ask permission, you put the other person in authority.
Don't concede; take goals and opportunities as they come. If you believe in what you are doing, stand your ground. If you want to see your marriage go to another level, the reality for A.Z. and Carla is they put theirs on the back burner. They worked on themselves, individually, and then they both wanted back into the marriage.
How is this resonating with you? It may be time for those crucial conversations and be honest with yourself. Where are you at? Blaming the other person and pointing your finger of unhappiness at the other person is not going to work. You need to identify where you fall into this place. Where are you the manipulator, and where are you being manipulated?
You will either realize that you are going to go all in on the marriage or end it. Either one is better than living in a place of uncertainty. It's not about forcing the relationship, or divorcing it's about realizing what you want as the person in that situation. This is true in any relationship; it could be your friendships or even a parent. Manipulation is everywhere, and it causes dysfunction in a marriage because of the manipulation our parents or friends are causing.
Spicing Things Up | Do The Work Podcast with A.Z. and Carla Araujo - Episode 8
Becoming too comfortable and familiar with our spouses is a common occurrence in any relationship. We become complacent and stop trying when it comes to intention and passion. It is crucial to break the cycle of monotony and start focusing your energy and attention on your spouse. Your marriage or relationship is the most important investment you can make; it affects every area of your life and business.
Spicing Things Up
Over the past few week's A.Z. has been feeling pretty good, walking with some swag; he has game. You have so much confidence when you are in tune with your spouse; things have been progressing, but they want to talk about spicing things up.
It's not like this all the time; Carla knows it isn't consistent. It's an upper limit, meaning that Carla can't take all this goodness for long, so she sabotages it. They have great date nights, they are romancing it up and all of a sudden, they dab a bit.
The couple decided to invest in themselves and their date nights. Their date nights have mostly been very casual and off the cuff. Lately, they have been dressing up and putting more effort into them; the mood impacts the date. The details have never been an issue until recently. They started making reservations and dressing up, and then they ran into a location.
Dressing up and making plans was something they did in the past but becoming confident in who they are made a bit more casual. Now that Carla is dressing up, wearing more revealing clothing, it gets A.Z. to a place of appreciating her even more. It gets him excited to go out because of all the effort.
They are deciding that their time together is a big deal. They purchased a condo a few years back, and they recently remodeled it. They chose this would be the perfect getaway spot for them. Now when they are out and in the moment, they can go to the condo; having a place to make time for themselves, alone. They have done a few getaways, staycations, but this condo is the best solution to having a place for them that is local. They are having fun, and it has breathed some life into their passion.
“When we are out together and in the moment we can give each other a look and go to the condo.”- Carla
They go to the condo to have fun and be a couple; not a place for rest but reinvestment into them as a couple. Sometimes as couples, we wait for the other person to be romantic, you have to make a move and not wait. A lot of people do the date night or staycations; you need to commit to the time together and not get lazy about it.
Making reservations and having time together is essential; you need to get away from the pressures and distractions of home and business.
Condo Life
The couple sees each other every day, all day, and they are the best of friends and the worst of enemies. They get home, and they try to separate business from family; some days it's easier than others. If they have had a tough day, week or month, they have to bring it home, that is part of their life as business partners.
This investment was different; Carla needed more than a date night and then home. She wanted a place they could go away too and continue their night together. Carla wanted more out of their marriage and decided to invest in it. Sometimes A.Z. can drift a bit at dinner or a movie, and the topic turns to business; emailing or taking a phone call. Carla has been guilty of this as well.
There isn't a t.v. at the condo and there are no distractions, and they can be completed present with each other. The mental and physical attraction has always been there for them, but a lot of relationships get comfortable, and you stop growing yourself, using each other as a crutch. One person overeats so does the other, one isn't exercising either does the other.
They went back to when they first met each other when they were so ambitious, and it raised their relationship to the mindset of when they were in their 20's. We are so eager and motivated at that age, and then our relationships become monotonous, and we are going through the motions.
When the couple has time alone, Carla wants A.Z., not the business part of him but just him. A.Z. feels the same way about Carla. They can get offended at times when they don't feel they are getting the attention they need. When one is ready to disconnect sometime the other isn't; the condo is a place for them to do that. They are disconnecting, but they are connecting and can have real conversations with each other about what they want.
A.Z. likes attention in the morning, and Carla loves her own space; him on his side of the bed and her on her side. He shared with her on one of their nights together that every morning, he wanted her to cuddle up to his back and tell him loving things. Carla is used to hitting the ground running the moment her eyes are open; A.Z. tries to hold her and kiss her on the head, and he can already feel her energy of being rushed.
He wants the moment of slow down and loving on each other, and Carla does love him and doesn't want him to sound needy; Carla is very edgy and continuously on the go. As men, A.Z. feels that there is a particular part that needs reassurance that they are appreciated consistently. For the most part, they are considered the breadwinners, the hunters; we need to make sure we have the full support of their spouses.
Carla feels that it is the same thing of her saying to A.Z. that she is selfish in wanting his full attention when they are alone together. She is on edge all of the time, and she needs those moments with him for the same reasons. Neither are needy in the relationship, but they are very clear on what they need from each other.
You have to get to a place of communication where you can create the space to have them. Sitting and opening up the conversations, having couple time and verbalizing what you need from the other and showing that love and appreciation for them also. The condo has given them freedom and a destination that works for them.
If you have been in a relationship for 5 or ten years, making time to spend with others, really focusing your energy and attention on the other is crucial. You need to spend money to do this at times and look at it as the investment that it is. Enjoy each other as adults, as a couple; it's part of the game and the process and well worth it.
“Don't go through the motions and use your date night as something else to check off of your to do list; be intentional.”- A.Z.
Doing it often and intentionally takes marriage to a new level. Doing it every once in a while is not sustainable. You have to do what works for you. Usually what happens is the man comes home, takes a shower, and is ready to go out. The woman has to worry about the kids getting fed, getting a babysitter, where are they going; at times, the woman can feel like it's too much effort to go out.
Find a way that it works for both of you and not a hassle for either. When you work with your spouse and are together every day, date night means a dedicated day of connection, and it will begin to go deeper the more you do it. Carla doesn't like the term date night because she feels it puts pressure on the evening, and then you are disappointed when it falls short.
Don't go through the motions and use your getaway time as something else to check off of your list. Use it as a time to reconnect and communicate with each other. The stresses of marriage compiled with the pressures of business and life can weigh your relationship down; invest in each other and enjoy the returns.
Mind Reading | Do The Work Podcast with A.Z. and Carla Araujo - Episode 7
So many arguments are rooted in something that we are carrying around with us. We, in turn, expect our partners to READ OUR MINDS and know what we need at any given time. Expectations are very high in a relationship and increase as the year's pass. Clear communication and honesty of who you are is as important as your partner creating and respecting that space created for you to do so. It is really easy to blame our partner for our unhappiness; when you take ownership of how you show up in the relationship and minimize the expectations, that is the path to appreciating each other. You have to put yourself first, and the other person needs to do the same.
Read My Mind
Betrayal and Lies
Carla just finished up her Women's Event and is emotionally drained from it. She is reliving the moments that were hard in her life over again while exposing her life to these women in attendance. Carla puts her heart and soul into it, with that though comes the aftermath of it. There was a topic discussed at the last event that was very emotional to her. The group was smaller, and they were able to be more one on one and transparent.
Come Monday morning Carla is emotional but still showing up everywhere. The first event she did emotionally drained her for five days; it was tough for her to get back into the swing of things because of the intensity. This time she could overcome it, and she didn't shut down.
This time A.Z. was so helpful and showed her so much patience; she discovers so much within herself every time. That Monday Carla packed A.Z.'s lunch and included a little note for him. She was cuddling up on him in the night and the morning. The word betrayal came up several times during the event, and Carla never felt betrayed by A.Z. Carla thinks that she betrayed him because she hid how she felt, her depression and everything from A.Z. If anyone told lies in the relationship, it was her.
In the last four days, A.Z. came to Carla and apologized for not telling her to thank you for the notes. She didn't want him to be sorry because she felt she pushed him away for so many years. Carla felt at times she was hateful towards A.Z. and didn't need anyone. Carla doesn't feel she needs a thank you, but on the other hand, she wants his kisses and hugs. Why isn't A.Z. that mind reader? How can she expect him to be?
Their relationship has flip-flopped over the years; A.Z. was in, and Carla was out, and Carla was in, and A.Z. was out. The realization and emotion that they are still together, living their best life in happiness was an overwhelming thought for Carla this week. A.Z. is her biggest supporter and was there for the whole event. The women couldn't believe he was there listening to everything she had to say about him. What A.Z. loves about what Carla does is that she can remember every detail about certain situations; she then puts herself back in that situation, experiencing and describing these stories vividly.
“I know the ills and errors of my ways and I say “F” that guy; I don’t like him either. I am on Carla’s side.”- A.Z.
A.Z.'s whole take on it is that the man in those stories isn't him anymore. What he did and how he showed up, is no longer him and he can't take offense to that. It doesn't even trigger him, and a lot of fights ensue because we think we are still that person we used to be. You still experience the same emotions and thought processes and A.Z. has learned to detach from that because he has done the work. He knows the ills and errors of his ways. A.Z. says "F" that guy; I don't like him either, I am on Carla's side.
If you still have fights that come up in the marriage after 5 or so years, you haven't experienced any growth, and you are still attaching yourself to a person you aren't anymore. The couple has been together for 20+ years, and Carla's raw emotion of the events from the past weekend just gave her a feeling of overwhelming gratitude. She loves A.Z. so much because he hasn't questioned her and creates that space for her to experience what she is feeling. Most men react to their women being emotional by trying to fix the problem or by insisting that the woman not share the intimate details of their relationship.
Men will try to control how a woman portrays their relationship; A.Z. wants Carla to say what she needs to say because it is her experience through her own eyes. You can't take offense to what your partner is feeling or saying. If they say they aren't happy then that is the truth, and you can't convince them that they should be happy; it's not your place.
Who Are You?
A.Z. had to go through a lot with Carla. Carla felt she wasn't showing up in her power; she was weakened by her depression and anxiety and was bringing that all to the relationship. Carla allowed A.Z. to control her and it had nothing to do with him, it had everything to do with her. A.Z. came into the relationship being himself and all Carla wanted was for him to like her, to love her. She kept quiet for so many years until one day she stepped into her power, and it was filled with anger. Her past and all of her anger gave her the courage to continue. Carla got the courage to keep going forward and couldn't look back on the feelings that she hurt.
Carla looked back over those four days and how much she hurt A.Z., and she is so sorry. The day after the event her emotion was so different, and A.Z. just let it be and enjoyed Carla being sweet to him. It had a lot to do with the guilt that was brought to the surface at the event.
A.Z. thought Carla was a certain woman when he married her but then Carla showed she had a lot going on emotionally and that just started coming out five years ago. Carla felt like she was in a box in their relationship and when she busted out it wasn't cute, and A.Z stood by her, and he stood his ground like a man and didn't allow her to beat him down. Men are willing to take that emotional beating because they feel guilty and don't want to lose their spouse.
As men you are supposed to go out and continue to hunt the buffalo and provide, powerfully leading the family; if you have a powerful wife it's not for the man then to play at a lower level, it is his job to continue to lead the family. Carla is a powerful being, but A.Z. still needs to continue to level up and lead. There can be a lot of regression when comfort comes along, and you don't want to have crucial conversations or talk about the truths of what is going on.
When you get stuck in thought about the past that is negative, or someone says something to trigger you outside of your home, you bring it with you when you see your spouse, and it becomes a trigger for an argument. To have a functional relationship you need to know your behaviors, not the other persons. A.Z. loves how far they have come; they have done amazing things to make this work.
A.Z. sat back at the Women's Event, and he was in awe of Carla. He was an absolute student of a gifted woman. The insights that Carla brings make their relationship better, but she is also leading the charge for other women to embrace their power and their strength.
At the event, Friday was all about fitness, about the pain we feel. Carla always released a lot of anger in the gym which gave her the courage to do what she needed to do. Carla uses fitness to help her see what is stopping each woman from getting what they want out of their lives. That first day was about breakthroughs that no one saw coming. Carla digs so deep to find that quiet, hidden anger in these women Carla wants the women to understand their functions and behaviors as opposed to blaming.
There was a moment when all of the individual stories started to come out, and they got angry, and Carla kept them there; that gave them the courage to tell their stories. Carla has learned so much about herself and the expectations she has of A.Z. reading her mind were more about her emotions in a blender and feeling the guilt of mistreating A.Z. for so many years.
It is really easy to blame our partner for our unhappiness if you take ownership of how you show up in the relationship and the minimize the expectations, that is the path to appreciating each other. You have to put yourself first, and the other person needs to do the same.
Carla was writing the love notes out of guilt, and she is now over it. A.Z. wondered where he note was today, and Carla told him she would see him at the office, bye. These podcasts show the listeners the human side of Carla and A.Z.
Ego | Do The Work Podcast with A.Z. & Carla Araujo - Episode 6
Ego is a personal thing that affects not only you but everything about you. It can keep you from asking for help, from growing in your business and from moving forward in your relationships. It is an active component of who you are and at the same time can be so sensitive that it crushes your confidence and ability to stop self-loathing. Where in your life are you allowing your ego to hold you back? Stop flexing your ego, and take advantage of the opportunities to learn from your mistakes and not wallow in self-doubt.
Whose Chair is it Anyway?
It took the couple 15 minutes to set up for their podcast today. Why? They disagreed who usually sits in the chair on the left. Sometimes it's A.Z., and sometimes it's Carla; it depends on what podcast they are doing. Is it merely that or ego? That leads into their conversation today about ego. Ego is defined as a person's self-esteem or self-importance.
Ego is one of two things; you are either high and mighty, or I am nothing, I am trash. The ones with high egos are usually the ones that lack self-love and confidence. In reality, our negative self-talk is about how bad we have it; no one has it worse; everyone has it better; that is all ego.
Carla thinks that men have an ego issue, the high and mighty ego. Carla had mentioned that being a woman in business has to be one of the hardest things. There is a statement that if a woman's voice gets too high, you are loud and obnoxious and rude; if a man's voice rises, he is being dominant and standing his ground.
In the couples brokerage that they own together, sometimes Carla is in sales, if she is trying to close a deal, men will flex their ego, raise their voice with her, trying to get the best deal. Carla isn't arguing, but her voice will start to get a little louder as she asserts herself. It becomes a catfight without her knowledge. A.Z. wonders if it's Carla's interpretation and it could be a typical negotiation and that the man is looking out for his clients best interest.
Carla thinks it is about dominance. When she is closing a deal there is no negotiation; this is the amount and the deal. Under Carla’s terms, this is what it is, but men tend to start questioning in a manner that they think they can wheel and deal her. They look at her like she is easy and they want to see what they can walk away with. Carla gives them no choice; it is what it is. It isn't about disagreement; it's about the level a man speaks to her where she thinks he has an ego issue.
A.Z. had an issue years before because of the level of success he reached; he felt he could portray that level of success forever. He thought he could show up at that level of success even though it kept him from growing as an individual because of his ego. He wasn't as apt to ask people for help, or ask questions; he would go a different route and try to figure it out on his own.
“When I came into the business to run the back end, you wouldn't let go of anything. That was your ego A.Z.”- Carla
When Carla came into the business to run the back end, A.Z. wouldn't let go of anything. Even though she was more than competent, she feels it was his ego. He was still running the operation like she was his secretary. A.Z. doesn't feel it was an ego thing; he feels he couldn't trust she was going to show up daily. She couldn't trust that he wasn't going to make them broke again.
From Carla's perspective, their financial issues were his fault; but his interpretation of that was that Carla was hot and cold. Sometimes she wants to be here sometimes she doesn't; Carla sometimes felt A.Z. is all in and sometimes he isn't. He leaves projects undone. She thought he didn't want to let go of his ego and remain king of the kingdom.
The conflicts they always had were about respect; they were about ego. Everything is about ego.
Blaming or Self-loathe?
Ego brings a few things; when things go south, the ego wants to blame everyone else. Or we self loathe which depends upon the person. When you make a mistake do you blame somebody or do you beat yourself up for it? When you take control of the ego and understand that there is a lesson here, a reflection, taking responsibility, you learn the lesson and keep going. Something goes south; blame or self-loathe? It's the blame game either way. A.Z. would stay in that rut, but on the positive when you do something and are accomplished, that can keep you from growing. You know it all now, and you can't show mistakes or your human side because you are trying to protect the success that you have made.
The couple has hit success so many times in their life together. When they make mistakes, they try to protect their egos or blame the other. Carla used to be stuck and couldn't grow because she was on eggshells and afraid to make a mistake; she thought A.Z. would blame her. A.Z. would try to offset that, and he would blame her, and justify it by telling her he was just as hard on himself; the truth was his ego had him blame as opposed to saying how he could take responsibility. It brought a lot of resentment back and forth.
“Ego isn't a bad thing, we need it to strive to the next level; it's when it becomes debilitating that it interferes with our growth.”- A.Z.
Ego isn't a bad thing; we need it; it causes us to strive for the next level. It's when it becomes debilitating; we feel that we have arrived, always putting it out there we have it all figured out not wanting to show that we are stuck in our darkness. A.Z. was that way; he didn't want people to know he was falling apart, that he was afraid to grow his business.
The couple was showing to everyone that they had it all going on, but they didn't want anyone to see that they weren't anything but a happy couple. Carla can remember running into a woman who recognized her from Facebook; she said there was a photo that Carla and A.Z. had put up of the whole family. A.Z. had posted it on their anniversary many years ago; she said they looked so happy.
Carla told her, in that photo they were going through a divorce. That photo wasn't them; you can see Carla is angry in the picture. The woman got upset and said she went through a divorce; she was doing it by herself; she didn't need anybody. She was putting up a wall, and Carla told her she wasn't okay. She cried to Carla for 10 minutes, fixed her makeup and left.
How many of us walk around in our ego, not wanting anybody to know what we are going through or who we are. Carla’s programs are not to give help; it's to have women see something different. Most people won't reach out because their ego will not allow them to seek the perspective of someone else.
Why Do I Need A Coach?
Carla hired herself a coach two years ago, and she thought she had it all figured out; everything was okay. Carla went into it wondering what this person could coach her in. She is very coachable, and wanted to go all in but didn't know what this person could do because she was running companies and coaching programs herself. There was a missing piece in her life; her relationship with her mother. She had no idea that was falling apart until the coach put it into perspective for her.
There was a missing link; a hole that wasn't being filled. There is a Women's Event coming up on April 26th and 27th. It's a small group event, and Carla will be leading the charge to get you to map out the next steps to your life. Whether it is in your business, your health, your marriage, whatever it is. The real growth in Carla came about when she realized there was a missing link there. Perspective is what put it there. Going through this process will allow you to see something more significant. If your ego is stopping you right now, but yet you feel something is missing, you don't want to miss this event.
The goal is for Carla to do these events, take women through this experience every 45 days. If you are allowing your ego to say no, you are okay, and you know it's not; maybe you are on the other side and taking all the blame, that isn't okay. It's about enlightenment in all aspects and getting you back into the shape you need to be. The health and confidence you need and taking a stand for yourself.
Voice more of yourself without the shame, and quit letting your ego get in the way. There is so much you can share of yourself that other women need to hear. You also need her for yourself. The confidence you will start to build is a game changer. You need to be able to navigate through the different egos, and that is a thought process. When things are good to pat yourself on the back but keep going, when things go south, take responsibility but then keep going.
Maybe this is something that we all need to think about.
Where are we in life? Are things going so well that we now tell everyone we don't need new insight. Or, if things haven't gone your way are you in a pit where you are taking all of this self-blame; either way, it's not a good place to be.we have to understand where the lessons are, good or bad, and keep going.
Are My Kids Proud of Me? | Carla Rants with Carla Araujo - Episode 11
My little girl went through some crazy stuff with me while I was in training. I had to leave her, cancel appointments, tell her no; and she called me her Hero. It was a busy time with building my business and getting ready for shows. My oldest didn't experience that time the same way. She would go to the gym with me and was part of everything; a mini-me. I had a lot of guilt about missing out on the quality times with my kids. I decided to keep doing the things I loved, without the guilt. It wasn't easy, but I took control of my life and brought my kids with me; regardless if they liked it or not. I wanted them to watch me and be part of my growth; in business and life. My girls are in the thick of it always. They see me as their Superwoman; doing a lot of things other Moms don't do. They have told me this because I let them see it all. I don't hide from my kids, I don't hold back, and in that, I have earned their trust because I decided to take control.
I’m Proud of My Kids; Are They Proud of Me?
I’m talking today about the craziness we as Moms have to go through. When I was preparing for my shows, my littlest is the one that cried the most. I had to reschedule a lot of Mommy dates; I had to tell her I would be back and then not come back until hours later. Mommy can't do it; Mommy said no; that little girl went through some crazy stuff with me.
I was swamped at that time, building businesses and getting into my fitness deeper. My oldest didn't experience the same thing; she was part of it. She would go to the gym with me; she was part of the growth of my business; she was my mini-me. My little one made it a little tough because she was always questioning; why Mom this, why Mom that?
I dealt with a little guilt as Mom’s do, we miss out on birthdays, and Mommy days out. They don't know what we are doing behind the scenes. I felt lost a bit in the Mom role because I wasn't there all the time for my kids. When I wasn't in my fitness, I was trying to grow my business and work my marriage.
To try to find quality time with my kids was hard. I finally decided to do the things I loved without the guilt. It wasn't easy, but I decided to take control of my life and bring my girls with me; regardless if they liked it or not. I wanted them to watch me and be part of my growth in business and fitness.
When my husband and I argue those kids are right there because I want them to see the outcome; it's always good. They went through a lot with me, and there were times I went to the gym extremely late; I would pack them in the car, take them to the gym and let them sit with their laptops. There was always a way.
I talked to women all the time who make excuses that they don't have a babysitter; the gym won't allow the kids; no wasn't an option for me. I had to make it happen.
“To try to find quality time with my kids was hard,
but I decided to do the things I loved without guilt.”
Signs for SuperMom
My little girl though; she thought I was her hero, but I wasn't in the beginning. In the beginning, I was the one who didn't have time for her, and it broke my heart. Many years later at one of my pro shows, my daughters surprised me with these posters. One said,” Mom is my Hero,’ and the other said, “Go Mom.” They hang in my gym as reminders of all of the hard work that not only I put in, but my kids did too.
I wasn't just talking about achieving my goals; they watched me. They saw me move towards everything I said I was going to do. And with the guilt of being a Mom set in, and they felt their Mom wasn't there, at times I would have to sit with them and explain my reason and purpose.
When they brought those signs and were yelling, “Go, Mom!.” I didn't place that day, and I was sad, and that sat with me and told me that I won. You're our Mom and you're our winner; our Superwoman. They knew I sacrificed a lot; it was the actions I took that they saw that made the difference.
My daughter has a whole plan for Volleyball. She has been overwhelmed with homework and sports. I catch her in the restroom in tears, and she tells me she is overwhelmed, but she knows that she can make it happen. It is a choice she is making to go all in one Volleyball, but it is her choice, and at times it came to be frustrating.
Every time I spend time prepping for shows or working at my business it's a choice; Mom is choosing for girls to go all in. I might be late and distracted, but they understand that. They are watching me take control of my life. What do your kids think of you? What will they think of you when they are 16 and 17 and look back and think that you were all talk?
Eventually, they will start to look at other people because they no longer look up to you. Were you just all words when they were kids but no actions to back it up? Some of us spend money on our kids because of guilt; we never had it, so you want to give it to them. How about showing them something you never had? Give them the strength that you never had. Action, knowledge, confidence; give them all of what you didn't have and get them out there and shine.
I was in a magazine, and I never thought that would happen. In the photo my daughter is behind me; when I would work out, she would work out. I got criticized a lot for that. I was showing my kid's bad habits, to diet, and depriving them of food. I’m teaching my kids to fight and stand strong. A healthy, balanced lifestyle is what they are learning. There is also a picture of my daughter on my shoulders, and the byline reads,” We focus so much on what we don't have, that we fail to realize what we are not doing.”
That photo was taken on a hot day at the gym; I was overwhelmed and busy. We did a whole photo shoot out there, and it was amazing. My kids are the reason I do everything. They are the reason I am doing another show, this podcast; they are my reason why.
“Some of us buy our kids things out of guilt,
we want them to have what we didn't have.
How about showing them something you never had,
like confidence and strength.”
Stop With the Excuses
It wasn't that easy; they could have easily stopped me or I could have prevented myself from the guilt I was feeling. Today is different because they can run at my speed and they see that I am taking action and control to fulfill all the goals I had in my mind. I am creating leaders; they are the next generation. I want them to look up to powerful women.
It feels fantastic to create phenomenal leaders. These photos of my kids with the posters and with me in the magazine show how my kids see me. They truly see me as their hero, their Superwoman, their everything. They come to me for advice, and I don't hold back or hide from them. I don't use them as an excuse for why I can't do what I am doing.
To all of you Moms out there your kids are not an excuse; being single is and raising your kids alone is not an excuse. Being married and your husband taking all of your time is not an excuse. Those are the stories you are telling yourself, and they work. The other you want so much more. How much longer will you put yourself on hold? Until your kids grow up? Until you find a babysitter? Until your husband gives the okay? When will you decide to take control?
Who Failed Us? | Do the Work Podcast with A.Z. and Carla Araujo - Episode 5
The truth is couples often blame each other for their failures in the marriage, their bodies, and their business. Having a fear of failure can stifle the growth of not just yourself but your spouse. When one spouse begins to rise, and the other isn't ready, they can subconsciously hold the other back, pushing them down to keep them from moving on without them. If you are not a healthy individual, you will never be a healthy pair. Focus on yourself and quit using your partner's failures as your excuse to not grow beyond your capacity. It is time to take control of you and stand in your power overall.
The Fears of Failure
As the result of a text message that A.Z. received from Carla, which was pretty direct, that read,” You failed us, the truth I failed to see the way I lived my life truly. I hid behind my marriage to be supported by a human that I crushed with my insecurities. I blamed you because my world was empty with sadness, disappointment, and insecurity. I had an opinion on everything; I wanted to stop you. I'm sorry. Your only way out was to leave and as sad as it sounds that is why I asked you to leave. I was comfortable being someone I was not; I was fighting the other half of me that was beginning to feel trapped.”
This was a revelation that Carla felt that she shared with A.Z. What happens in marriages and any situation is we blame others for our unhappiness, our failures because we don't have what we want.
“I was blaming A.Z in every part of my life. Any time I made a decision and it went south I blamed him; I wouldn't say it but I would show it with my actions. ”
- Carla
Carla was blaming A.Z in every part of her life. Any time she made a decision, and it went south she blamed him; she wouldn't say it, but she would show it with her actions. Bringing it back to herself was important, realizing that she was blaming him for her failures. What would Carla tell someone who finds themselves in that same place? The way that Carla approached it was she asked herself what she would be doing if she weren't in the marriage with A.Z. How would she approach life without him?
She hid behind him because she was going through so much, she didn't realize that. From the beginning, A.Z. took the alpha role, the role of the protector, the one who would shelter her. He never really said that it was in his actions. Carla didn't realize she was being protected and hiding behind him. Carla was afraid to step out of that because she didn't want to fail her family; it was okay if A.Z. did, but she felt if she did, A.Z. would question her why.
Carla was okay with being someone she was not. When she told A.Z. in her text that she crushed him with her insecurities, is that common in marriages? It's more common than not, but to admit to it is the hardest part. Most people would rather blame than admit. Carla felt she was taking A.Z. away from a lot of the things he wanted to do; she held him back in a sense because she always argued and fought against everything he wanted to do.
When A.Z. wanted to start recording live videos and throw their lives out there, she wasn't ready. She drew a line in the sand and told him not to put her or their kids on camera. He went ahead with it alone.
Time to Quit the “VICE” Squad
It's a simple process of putting questions in the other person's head. Carla used to go work out late at night, and A.Z. would question it, give her a hard time. When she would try to get things done in the business, he was always questioning her. She didn't need to ask him for permission continually. A lot of times on spouse will wait for the others approval, Carla doesn't wait for that approval; she knows what she is doing where she is going.
You need to take control and stand in your power overall. It's very easy to blame our spouses and say that your marriage isn't working because of these reasons. A.Z. knows that he would belittle Carla at times, but how did she show up? Did she show up weak? When you act weak people will treat you weak, you will get run over at every turn. You have allowed it for so many years, lacking the confidence and certainty in yourself.
You need to embrace your uncertainty and who you are. Your frustrations will get hidden within vices; alcohol, food, etc. Carla is holding an event on April 26th and 27th. A lot of people think it is only about finding your confidence, but it goes deeper than that. Finding out who you truly are. When you feel good and look good, you want to operate at a high level. Day one of the event is learning the behaviors or dysfunctions that are holding you back from getting into the physical shape you desire, having the body and mental capacity you want to dominate the day.
Day ONE will be focused on health and physical fitness. We will have specific discussions on health if you can't lose the weight you have been trying to lose, and what is causing the stress and mediocrity. There is so much more to losing weight than what you are eating or how much cardio you are doing. What is going on with you? It will be intense, and there will be multiple exercises that Carla is going to show you that can be done at home or the office.
If you are confident enough to go into the gym, Carla is going to show you how to lift and get that power you need. Day On Carla will be putting you through different crucibles and experiences, and it will shine the light on the dysfunctions that keep coming back at you. Changing your mindset is the most powerful tool. There is more to it then you just going to the gym and lifting weights; it empowers you.
Women from the last event have been contacting Carla and are making more money, taking a stand for themselves, and know what direction to move in. They feel more powerful than ever. It shifted them from the behaviors of yo-yo dieting, yo-yo marriage, yo-yo business; it all ties in. If you can create certainty and stability in one area of your life, it is easier to implement it into the other areas of your life.
If you have been in a place where you have tried to lose weight but have been unable to get there; you don't know what to eat and when to eat it or what vitamins to take, you need to attend this event with Carla. You need to attend both days. Day two is when the discussion starts. This is an intimate event; limited seating is available. You will come out of this event knowing precisely what to do and how to move forward.
It's not a lot of hype, and then you have no idea where to go. This event will get down to what you need to do and change to get the things you want out of your life. Carla isn't there to save you from anything; she is there to discuss with you to see what is there and what is missing; mentally, physically, financially; what is stopping you? It will challenge you so that you can make life changes.
The Mental Game | Do the Work Podcast with A.Z. and Carla Araujo - Episode 4
A.Z. and Carla have experienced a lot of tragedy and chaos in their life, but it has been their mindset which brought them to where they are today. Try not to focus on where you are today, but instead center in on what got you here. Being overweight, out of shape or just wanting to better yourself requires you to not only condition your body but your mind as well. An excellent place to start? Sign up and attend the Do The Work Women's Event and hear from Carla as she shares what brought her to a position of power and how she can help you get there also. She isn't your personal savior, but she will help you get to that place where you can help yourself, your family and your business.
The Mental Game Behind Fitness
A.Z. and Carla have been receiving a lot of messages about fitness, how to lose weight and maintain muscle and staying fit as we age. Everyone seems to have a magic formula, but everyone also is still struggling to maintain and sustain a healthy lifestyle.
Fitness is Carla's life and passion that stemmed from pure anger. From the time that she was in 7th grade, she walked into the school gym but didn't become knowledgeable about it until she hit high school. There was something that fueled her from the beginning that came from the ugliness that had been in her life up to that point.
When Carla would get bullied or if something was going on in her life she would hit the gym. Out of anger, she wanted to become strong and powerful; building up a backbone so that no one could mess with her again. A.Z. does see her hollering in the gym all of the time, not knowing what she is upset about. It is something that Carla has wired herself to feel powerful and fuel her to go through her day. What would she tell people who don't have that fuel? Carla used her pain and frustration to power herself, but what would she tell someone busy, does not have the motivation or the anger to go out and do it every day?
Everyone has a story, you may not want to talk about it, or maybe you are overweight and sick and tire of it. With women we are insecure about our arms, butts, back, and legs; that's the fuel for them to work out. It doesn't need to be something from your past that has to fuel you; it's okay. But find something within you that angers you. When Carla works with a client, she focuses on not where they are but what got them there, to begin with. She takes them to that place and has them sit in that and then lift weights.
“There is a reason why people pack on weight; it's not just because they are lazy or don't want to do anything. There is a pattern, especially with those that eat, then lose weight, eat, then lose weight; they yo-yo and Carla goes to the root of the problem to find out why. ”- A.Z.
There is a reason why people pack on weight; it's not just because they are lazy or don't want to do anything. There is a pattern, especially with those that eat, then lose weight, eat, then lose weight; they yo-yo and Carla goes to the root problem to find out why. Carla's program isn't about getting tight abs; it's about going a bit deeper. She opens up the doors to find out what got them there in the first place, and what is missing. It's not easy to maintain muscle and weight loss; it doesn't happen quickly; there is a process behind it. You have to be dedicated and committed and find that fuel that is going to drive you.
A.Z. has been talking to an individual who lost a lot of weight last year, a tragedy happened and the same weight that they lost, they have now gained back and then some. In the previous 3 or 4 months, once the individual put the tragedy behind them, they are losing the weight again. The problem is that it is the same weight that once there was stress they put it back on. It's a zone of comfort where they can surpass it to lose weight but then be right back in the same place when something happens to trigger them.
Don't Drop Yourself
There is a mindset issue that has to change to maintain. Life brings us so many different assignments; both good and bad. There was a point in Carla's life when she was dealing with the death of her father; it's harsh to say it, but in those moments of disarray, she knew that it would pass and what mattered was how she was handling at that moment. When all of the emotion is gone, and your life returns to normal, you can't breakdown, and you have to show up that much more powerful
In those moments that Carla was dealing with her Dad's illness and her Mom having a breakdown, she hit the gym. She knew that how she dealt with what going on in that moment would dictate where she would be when it had all passed. Some people need rest, Carla needed the fire she gets from working out. She had to take care of herself first and foremost, and that is what her mindset is.
When something happens, a tragedy or a big obstacle we tend to drop ourselves; we need to double down on ourselves in those moments instead. If you do shut down, you do mourn for six months; then what? During that time when you shut down you not only got unhealthy, you started behaviors that were not positive. You finally get out of the mindset, but now that you are ready to recover, you are 40 feet in the hole. You need to double down in those moments because these moments will pass; you can't stay in them.
A.Z. witnessed Carla doing that when all of these moments were attacking her; she wasn't at her best mentally, but she was trying to get there faster. It is easier said than done. It is embedded in Carla and has been for years with the different things that have happened in her life, and she just needed to show up. Things can get so much worse if you don't continue on your journey. If you are there for everyone and everything you are eventually going to drown. You will lose yourself in the chaos. Chaos is part of life, but in those moments you still need to show up for yourself; for Carla, that was heading to the gym.
“Even when Carla told me she wanted me out of the house, I packed a bag and took my bike. I knew that this would pass and I still needed to take care of myself first.”- A.Z.
Even when Carla told A.Z. she wanted him to leave, he packed a bag and took his bike; because he knew this would pass and he still had to take care of himself. A lot of Carla's clients are newly divorced and want to get back in shape which proves that you need to put yourself first or things will get worse for you.
Carla is training a few pregnant, and they struggle with motivation; even if you walk for 5 minutes, it helps your mindset stay in the mode of going to the gym. If you don't, when you have the baby, you will feel as though you have done absolutely nothing for yourself. You have not taken care of yourself, and you are starting from square one. Just walk into the gym for 5 minutes and sit there and work your arms; you don't want to give up 100 %.
The Event of the Year
She Might Make You Cry
A lot of people are still confused about what to do and how to do it. What vitamins to take? Carla will be covering it all at her event. Mindset, Body, Marriage, Divorce. A.Z. will be joining her for as long as Carla allows him too, but the moment he triggers her, he is out.
The event is April 26th and 27th in Phoenix, Arizona as you register there will contain information on what hotels to stay at and where to participate but the first day, in general, is off-site. Each location will bring you a different experience, to dig deep and come out powerful. Don't be intimidated by Carla; she can communicate truthfully but has the biggest heart of anyone A.Z. has ever met.
Carla doesn't want to tear you apart; she wants to build you up; that is her passion, and that is her goal. She is in it for the long haul, and it isn't something she wants to build
quickly. She might make you cry a little bit, but the pain will be worth it. You will emerge as more powerful, and that is what it comes down too. Whatever your station in life, if you are a woman it is about owning that power that you have and not holding back. Carla is going to give you that power along with her book that details on the patterns it takes to get there.
Listening | Carla Rants with Carla Araujo - Episode 10
The Experience | Do the Work Podcast with A.Z. and Carla Araujo - Episode 3
Losing yourself in the commodity of being a Mom and a wife is a real thing. Waiting for the “What Now,” can cause you to wake up one day and not have a clue who you are or what you should be doing. Attending the Do the Work Women's Event with Carla Araujo on April 26th and 27th can bring on that breakthrough that will answer the question of what now. Stop waiting and get up, show up and be that powerhouse that you know you are. Your kids, your partner, your employees, someone is watching you; what are they seeing?
She Might Make You Cry
Carla is excited and ready for her Women's event coming up on April 26th and 27th. They have been looking at some of the videos and conversations from the previous event; conversations she continues to have with the women who attended the first event last year.
There is so much energy that is within us that has been held back, the question of how, why and when to express yourself as a woman continually comes up. Trying to be the face of what people think we should be as women and show up the way people think we need to show up. The event was emotional and powerful, and there were a lot of deep secrets that were shared with other powerful women. It took them out of their comfort zones and took them to a whole new level.
You show up to the event not knowing what to expect; it takes some twists and turns, you’ll think it's only motivational and it becomes a time of accountability and truths. It becomes about finding yourself and not just patting each other on the back. You can't support another woman if you can find or support yourself.
“This is not a sisterhood where you are in a circle singing kumbaya; you need to find yourself because when you get home you won't have the support of the other women. ”- Carla
This is not a sisterhood where you are in a circle singing kumbaya; you need to find yourself because when you get home, you will be alone, without the support of the other women. There is no technology allowed at the event; you aren't there to gossip about the woman next to you, making yourself feel better because her story is worse than yours.
It's a very intense session, and everyone goes in with a smile, not knowing what the outcome will be for them, but what goes up must come down. After the event you will be on fire, experiencing release from your deep secret or whatever your reason is. There is more to you, and you need to start now, living in your power now, see where it takes you no matter what your age is.
What Now?
When you leave the event on this big high, then what? You've told your secrets, broke your silence, addressed the issues in your marriage and relationships. You have revealed all of this stuff and are discovering why exactly you are unfulfilled and unhappy. You find it know exactly what to do, and go home, and the fire dies down. At the last event they covered so much in the two full days, it wasn't enough time. There was so much more than the women wanted to talk about and discuss; break through walls that they have had around them for years.
This upcoming event will be completely different and about 80% off site. There will be some madness and tough prayers trying to keep you from wanting to question why you are there. It is all about the breakthrough, and you will walk away with the What Now. It can be intimidating, but Carla understands the breakthrough, knowing you can't move forward in the same cycles. Carla understands and takes it to heart wanting all of the women to find their breakthrough moments so they can change the patterns and behaviors.
“Every person is made with a certain grit and determination and we forget that as we get older and our situations change.” - AZ
This will be a completely different experience from the last. This will be an immersion process, and Carla will be putting up different crucibles to find out and discover what the women are made of. Every person is made with a certain grit and determination, and we forget that as we get older and our situations change.
Carla's marriage has been a lot of work, and she couldn't do it, she couldn't work on herself, she was dying inside before. She thought she was that woman, that is who she was supposed to be; that was a lie she was trying to live, to be okay with her circumstances. She didn't want to stir the pot with A.Z., and she didn't want her children to think she didn't love them. Carla stayed in it with the thoughts that she could hang in a few more years. The thing is a few more years makes you realize that you are stuck in it and there were other things you could have done.
A lot of women are holding back because now they are raising grandchildren, using the guilt for not being present for their kids by being present for their grandchildren. Even with the stay at home Moms who now have time to do things they have wanted too but lack the confidence to try.
Carla for the time being a stay at home Mommy and a business owner was being run by her staff, and by her husband. This event is for everyone; women in business, stay at home Moms, the single and divorced woman, this is for women who need to live more powerfully.
Younger women that attend will see the struggles of the other women and realize how they need to step into their power, so they don't have to experience the same trials. Not ending up in only a wife and Mommy role and not fulfilling what they should for their lives and in turn losing themselves.
Carla recently lost herself coming home from a four day trip with her family. She is trying to unpack everyone, and A.Z. immediately gets on his laptop. She was already behind on work, and yet he comes home, and he is acting like a powerful man and needs to pay the bills, this was her perception. She lost herself for a quick moment, and it was in her attitude.
She told A.Z. that it wasn't okay for him to come home, she went into her Mommy/Maid role, starts doing laundry, and she is organizing her calendar with teacher meetings she has that week, doctors appointments; she realized she had better things and more things to do. She needed to start working because she enjoys and loves it.
She took control, became the boss she needed to be, text her housekeeper to let her know she had laundry to do. She was so conditioned to be the way she used to be that she loses herself in the moment. Most women need to understand that your life doesn't start once your kids are in college; you will be lost. Take the steps now to know what you want to get what you want 4 or 5 years from now.
Raising Women in Power
The greatest gift Carla gave to her daughters was showing them who she is as a powerful woman, Mom, wife and business owner. Not just being limited to certain things; she is giving to them consistently by showing them what a woman can be in power in all aspects of their lives. The level their daughters will operate will now be elevated through the roof.
Carla has become that role model, not just the commodity of being a mother. That is very powerful. Carla was asked by another Mom what she would tell the little girls on her daughter's volleyball team, about getting on that court and owning up to the power, being confident and working as a team? You really can't say anything to girls that age other than being the leader yourself. You are the superwoman, their hero to them. They are watching you play that role, and that is how they are showing up on that court.
“ The bar is set for your kids by who they are watching at home; so what are they seeing?”- Carla
They are our next generation, and it is our responsibility as women, in general, to show up powerfully, so the next generation can see us. To take over the court and play as a team. What do they see in their households? The bar is set by who they are watching at home, so what does that look like. They are limited by what they see.
Please go to www.dothework.com/womensevent and check out the event. If you're a man forward this on to your wife, your sister or your mom. This whole experience is about empowerment, finding your voice, and your backbone. It's a 2-day event, and Carla will be touching base on Mind, Body, and Soul. Sign up for the event or at the very least sign up for updates and get a free chapter from Carla's book, ”Find Your Voice.”
This event is about getting women to live the life they are intended to live. Carla has done a lot of preparation for it, years of preparation by living the experiences and finding herself through them. It will be raw and real and about the breakthrough.
Subscribe, rate and review this podcast through your favorite podcast provider and visit www.dothework.com to listen to additional content and receive more information on how doing the work can change the way you do your work.
Consistency | Carla Rants with Carla Araujo - Episode 9
I was reminded by a phone call today about how I never used to put myself out there on Instagram. I had an account but would be afraid to post even a picture of my dog or kids because I didn't want to be judged.
I was so concerned with how I might be received by other people that I let it stop me. It all changed when I started to Facebook Live videos, especially when I opened up about my depression and anxiety.
I went all in, raw and real, and I held nothing back. It gave me the confidence I needed to be who I am today. When I finally let go of the stories and lies in my head that I believed, I was able to embrace me; I am Carla Araujo, and I am proud of who I am and how far I have come.
Insanity of Perfection | Do the Work Podcast with A.Z. and Carla Araujo - Episode 2
Having the courage to trust your partner with an accident you made, big or small, takes confidence. That confidence comes from knowing that no matter what happens, you are on the same page and have the same end-game in mind. Storing up the mistakes your mate makes to use as an arsenal of defense, can only lead to miscommunication and blame. Stop putting your relationship in jeopardy by focusing on the trivial things that come up. You aren't going to say anything that they aren't already telling themselves. This is what makes the family dynamic work. It's not instilling the insanity of perfection, because that leads to chaos.
Planter Boxes and BOOM, There It Is!!
A.Z and Carla “Mo-Fo” Araujo are in the studio and Carla has something to tell A.Z. Reflecting on a subject for her book, “The 12 Lessons of Powerful Women,” she wants to talk about the Employee/Boss.
Her book reads, “ I didn't know how to own the business the way I should have, as a true leader. Instead, I was being owned by everyone around me; all because I lacked the confidence to own me. I ran the business like an employee, a staff member. I wasn't leading it and I sure as hell wasn't making grow to what I could. The one thing that stopped me was confidence; I had no confidence.”
“I held on to the secret because I didn't want to hear it from A.Z.; I didn't want to argue with him. ”- Carla
How Carla discovered this problem was by doing the sets of reps that she went through to find out what stopped her; for a whole week she has been holding this secret. She held onto the secret because she didn't want to argue with A.Z.; she didn't want to hear it from him.
It dawned on her while A.Z. was out of town and it was raining; she is having a garden put into her backyard. Tony, the man who is building the planter boxes, told Carla that they would be back by the garage so that he could pull them in through the RV gate. It was raining and dark, and Carla couldn't see, and she was rushing out and BOOM she ran into the boxes.
She didn't want to get out of the car to see the damage; she decided to go forward and go on with her day. Carla got home late that night, and she remembered that she had damaged the vehicle earlier. All she could think about was not the damage to the car, but how she was going to show up to A.Z. to tell him, she fucked up her car. All she could think about was how she didn't want to hear it; going back to the lack of confidence in the marriage. Why was she afraid of A.Z. Araujo? Why did she not want to start an argument with him? Why was she avoiding this conversation with him?
She pulled in the car and looked at the damage; the rear bumper was half way off. Years ago any little thing, she was heading for perfection in their marriage. They have shared how she felt in the past A.Z. was owning her. How you show up one way, you show up that way in all things.
If she had told him about the car, A.Z. right away would have headed into a line of questioning that was, “Didn't you know about the boxes? Didn't you see them behind the car? What were you thinking? How fast were you going? What was on your mind? Did you forget?” Instead of reassuring her that it would be okay.
She kept picturing that A.Z. that she knew; the questioning version of him.; The person she knew 15 years ago that would have questioned everything. Instead of showing up confident and knowing she makes money too. She does her shit. Carla didn't have to show like a weak female, crying that she got into an accident. She isn't that person anymore.
It bothered her that she was showing up that way in her head. Carla came into the office and let the staff know what happened but didn't tell A.Z. yet. When she realized the bumper was half off, she was able to click it back into place.
Bringing Up the Past to Distract
Yes it will be expensive and yes A.Z. admits he probably would have asked those questions; not coming from a place of dictating to her but that is just the way he operates. He asks questions so he can know the entire story. He is a details person.
Two weeks before all of this A.Z. completely damaged her rim; Carla didn't care, it wasn't a big deal. But A.Z. went through the same process as with Carla. As soon as he did it, he was thinking about the cost, the time and effort to have it fixed. The way the couple operates is very similar, but the way they react to it is entirely different. Carla realized she needed to determine how she was going to respond to his reaction; she didn't want to come at him with a laundry list of mistakes he has made.
She needed to chill out. A.Z. feels like dealing with it right away is better, as Carla was feeling she needed to check where she was coming from so she wouldn't show up like she used to; playing your wrongs are worse than my wrongs.
“Couples bring up the past in these situations as a defense mechanism to bring the other one down a notch.” - Carla
Carla didn't want that to happen. At the end of the day she wanted to focus on the fact that she ran into these boxes, and that is it. Couples bring up the past in these situations as a defense mechanism to bring the other one down a notch.
A.Z. admits his line of questioning is because he was always looking for resolution by blaming someone. Finding that fine line between hoarding past mistakes to be thrown up later and not going quick for the blame, is key to the overall growth of their marriage. Carla adds that A.Z. has never reacted aggressively or angry; it is the questioning that takes her to a place of feeling like he owned her in all things again. That was the old Carla; she is not that person anymore, but it is still a trigger.
Taking that week to wait and tell A.Z. gave Carla a chance to examine why she was afraid to tell him. It helped her to realize how far she has come and she got to know herself better. The boxes were undamaged.
A Damn Bumper and Ear Buds
A.Z. is still bothered with the WHY of someone putting those boxes behind the garage where no one will see them. Carla reiterated that it's done, the guy felt bad, and it is all good; she will take the car to get fixed when she gets time to do it.
A.Z. compares it to their Yorkie who they have struggled potty training. A.Z. would get triggered every time he saw that the dog peed somewhere; Carla asked him why he was upset; he didn't have to clean it. Couples tend to get comfortable in their marriages where they think they can blame; putting your marriage in jeopardy over something so trivial.
When A.Z. hit the garage with the car, he told Carla he didn't need to hear it from her because he had already stressed himself out enough about it. They beat themselves up in their heads when they cause material damage. Him coming in at her in an authoritative, condescending way isn't going to accomplish anything positive in their marriage. They can't tell each other anything the other one isn't already telling themselves.
“ When you start blaming and demoralizing the other person, it really kills your momentum towards your goals.”- AZ
You need to take a step back and realize that you have the same game plan, you're on the same page; you have the same goals and ambitions. When you start blaming and demoralizing the other person, it kills your momentum towards your goals.
It's just a damn bumper; it's only money; you need not continue to invest in the relationship. It's not the end of the world. With their kids when they lose their earbuds and A.Z. doesn’t want to replace them. Carla will ask him why he wants to do that? They already feel bad, and if he lost his, he would replace them. Where is the lesson? These are the little things that raise your standard of what your family should be.
Maybe it stems from being raised in a family of lacking; their parents weren’t in a financial place to keep replacing things. When something happens with your kids that could have easily happened to you, you can't punish them for it. They are being human, making human mistakes. This is what makes the family dynamic work. It's not instilling the insanity of perfection, because that leads to chaos.
These small nuggets will help you have the relationship you want. It is about Doing the Work, reflecting on the lessons and then doing something about it.
UPS AND DOWNS | Carla Rants with Carla Araujo - Episode 8
Carla was on a high and then came down, hard; but only for a few days. With her energy low and not feeling herself, she allowed herself to feel what she was feeling. She was still showing up, no matter what, the Carla of today always shows up. When you start to discover yourself and know who you are, it's okay to be in the dark place; don't stay there and get back on the high you were on. Regardless of the criticism or ugliness that can come your way, you must live your life for you!
NAVIGATING THE STORM | Do the Work Podcast with A.Z. and Carla Araujo - Episode 1
Going through ups and downs in your marriage is a reality; but how you weather the storm, navigating your way through it is a sign of growth. When one spouse hides their feelings of self-doubt, fear, depression, and anxiety, the other spouse can read this as something entirely different. It is important to communicate when you are down and need space to get through the dark times. As a partner, you also need to know when to create that space and be there when they are ready for support and a listening ear. This will get you to a place of intention, and know where you are going, without sabotaging your growth as a couple or your business.
Hiding Game
A lot of marriages go through ups and downs while Navigating the Storm. One day your best friends and the next day, worst enemies. In the past self-doubt, and depression rippled through their relationship, and that would typically come from Carla. She hid it well for many years, and AZ didn't know what was going on.
Men think their wives are in a bad mood or are having a bad attitude; they don't understand that there is a history there, something behind the scenes triggering those emotions. Carla didn't even realize she had anxiety or depression; she didn't want to go digging into her past; the deeper she went, the more afraid she was to go to that dark place.
“AZ would try to reach out to help her but he couldn't, he had to leave her in the moment to figure the shit out. ”- Carla
It was hard for Carla to find herself because she was so afraid to find out where her fears, doubts, depression, and anxiety came from; when she did tap into it, she wanted to stay there for days and discover more about herself. AZ would try to reach out to help her but he couldn't, he had to leave her at the moment to figure the shit out.
When you are afraid to go to that dark place it prolongs the time you are there. Feeling ashamed and embarrassed about being in that place, like you are drowning keeps you from facing it. Carla couldn't be honest with AZ when they met and unleashed her issues on to him because most men feel when women are honest they have too many issues. That is why women hide it for so long because it scares men away.
The same goes for the men; women think they are getting the greatest man alive and then they reveal their truths. There are key indicators, but we refuse to see them in the beginning because of the attraction.
Bomb Threats
It isn't as simple as someone having a bad day; there is a trigger point. Everyone goes through it some are just better at hiding and sedating it. When you live in the truth, you have to face the real problems. It becomes a ticking time bomb.
AZ was very impatient and angry, and Carla had a lot she was bringing into the relationship from her past, and neither of them knew. You don't know when the bomb is going to blow, it just ticks, ticks. It becomes a blame game and pointing fingers at who was doing what.
“I finally stepped into my power and I came at AZ hard; he didn't know where it was coming from.” - Carla
When Carla finally stepped into her power she came at AZ hard; he didn't know where it was all coming from. The common mistake that happens is one of them becomes the target; AZ would say something to Carla for her to take the focus off of her problems, making him the only problem, making him the villain.
This happens in every marriage. You both will be up or down, but when you both are down at the same time, it gets ugly. The issues escalate though when you become the target. When Carla was down this week, AZ gave her space, and when she needed him he was there; this is what they have learned after years of going through this process.
The last few days Carla has been in a funk; she has been off of her game. She was sick, and her body was sore. Looking in the mirror, she wasn't happy, and it was her thoughts escalating from one thing to the next. She began to stab at AZ, and he recognized that she needed space to find herself. It was uncomfortable for a few days; they were both being quiet; she let him know she was in a dark place and he just gave her space without trying to fix it for her.
In the past, AZ became angry and resentful of these kinds of situations. It used to last months and Carla would get angry because he wouldn't leave her alone and would want to try and fix her. This time it only lasted a few days, but it was still uncomfortable.
Giving Carla that space protected AZ’s mind from going to negative space. They were both on the same page. It's hard to give your spouse that space they need because you do live in the same house, sleep in the same bed and you have to talk to each other. There were still able to function within their family and their business. It came down to Carla communicating where she was at and AZ respecting and understanding that it wasn't against him.
Having the Tools for Growth
The growth is in this not going on for months at a time, being dishonest with each other that everything is okay when it is not. Before Carla would feel she needed to put on a happy face because she thought AZ would leave if she wasn't happy all the time; putting a mask on and just cry.
AZ had a moment when she was starting to come out of it where he started to get negative and questioning her seriousness and dedication to the process; He realized that she didn't need him to give up on her. All she needed was his support, and tell her to take her time. Carla realizes that AZ was frustrated and she put herself in his situation, being a man and watching his wife going through this, he has to have a lot of patience. She knew he was venting and didn't mean anything by it.
Carla was able to be more honest and exposed with AZ and how she genuinely felt because he gave her the opportunity to feel safe with him. A lot of this came forward because the couple has a lot of big projects coming up which puts them out of their comfort zone; financially and time-wise. There are so many moving parts; there is a real feeling of doubt and fear that will surface.
They are able now to Navigate Through the Storm because they have the tools to do so. They are intentional, and know where they are going, they aren't sabotaging their growth or business. Being able to share their baggage allows them to stand taller, to unhinge, and let go.
Carla was angry when she wanted to get content out in the studio, and she felt like AZ was in the studio all day. When she finally got in there later in the evening, she lashed out AZ and said she couldn't do it now and he threw her off her game. Driving away from the studio she had to ask herself if she had any intention of doing the video and she realized she wasn't.
“Most of the time when women are angry it isn't about the trash or you not helping around the house; it's about something deeper.”- AZ
Carla was honest with AZ and told him she wasn't going to do it, nothing in her brain was making sense, and she was in a dark place. If AZ had argued with her at that point, it would have blown up. Most of the time when women are angry it isn't about the trash or not helping out around the house, it's about something more profound. Men do this as well.
Copyright 2018 - DO THE WORK® - All Rights Reserved
Copyright 2018 - DO THE WORK® - All Rights Reserved